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How do I get her under control where I don't feel like I'm failing as a Mother here??

I have grounded her taken toy's t.v. computer EVERYTHING away nothing seems to be working mind ya she's ONLY 9 ....I have tryed the schedule thing and all I'm running out of ideas and she's doin horrible in school .......Is really dislikeing this because she's a good kid she really is I just don't have a clue :(

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Asked by Indymom2 at 11:11 AM on Oct. 13, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • What's Dad's opinion on this. I'd discuss it with him (if possible) and make a joint decision.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 11:13 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Dad's opinion is always in whatever decison we do for her ~~ And still NOTHING has worked ........

    Comment by Indymom2 (original poster) at 11:15 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Give her the "3 hots, a cot and 5 pairs of clothes" treatment. Make her do chores like washing windows, etc. Don't let her have any fun of privileges. No toys, games..nothing. Tell her she has to do all this until she starts doing better in school and acting right at home. Keep it up until then. Once she starts doing better, you have a sit down talk and discuss what things can come back and when based on he improvements.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:18 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I would try sitting her down and talking to her. Listen to what she has to say and see if there is something going on. I have always believed in positive reinforcement or always punshing. Just what we do with our children, not that they haven't been punished. I have always tried to listen to their side of things. I know my oldest said he felt like nothing he did was right because he was always getting in trouble. Not saying this is what is going on with her but it won't hurt. Also, has she started going through puberty. I know it is early, but my DD has started and she is only 9. she has become moody and I know part of it is because of the changes her body is going through.

    Good Luck and know you are not a failure. We all have hard time with our children.

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 11:20 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I am gonna attempt to sit down later when she gets out of school and her dad gets out of work and try to find out what's goin on ,She's not much a talker so hopefully I can get something out of her & thanks Sorry Bradenls I DON'T think I could ever do that to her it would make me feel worse but thanks any idea or input is much appeciated .....

    Comment by Indymom2 (original poster) at 11:26 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • What are the specific problems? I always use a 'carrot and stick' approach, because if you are only punishing bad behavior and not rewarding good behavior, then a lot of times it backfires because if the only feedback they are getting is when they act up, even if it is negative attention they will keep seeking it out. So you have to make sure you are giving equal attention when she does the things you want her to, not just reacting when she doesn't.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:27 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Right we reward her for the good as well as we punish her for acting out ~ She honsetly gets to points where she don't care ,She doesn't care what's taken away from her nor does she care she's in trouble ((very hardheaded)) reward her with saying I'm so proud of ya ya did good on them lines and then going and getting her a lil something or watching a movie ect........When acts out ~ she slowly gets stuff taken away from her till it's nothing and then grounded .........She's the ONLY kid so she's gotten spoiled and kind of hard to handle at times ~

    Comment by Indymom2 (original poster) at 11:33 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • You can try all the punishment in the world, but unless you get to the root of the problem none of it will help. You need to figure out why she's having trouble in school. Why she's acting out if she is, etc. There is always an issue behind every troubled child, even if that trouble is only academically. Without figuring out that issue and working through it you're not going to solve anything. You're just going to be making them more angry, more confused, more frustrated, etc. There is always a reason. Get to that reason and try to work through it with her. Reason with her, talk to her as though she's an adult. Allow her to be apart of the process to a better schooling process. With that you'll find that she'll turn around if she's willing. All the best!

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:40 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Thanks Jazz thinking you are right ~ I am havin her tested for adhd appt is coming up soon to talk to her doctor ~ I have DONE EVERYTHING .......She's making me feel horrible as a mother like I am failing her :( Thanks to all of ya that have responded to this post it's nice to know there's other parents to give ya ideas and kinda help you out .........Very grateful for ALL the input :)

    Comment by Indymom2 (original poster) at 11:45 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Talk to the teacher and come up with a plan together to help her. Get the school counselor/psychologist involved too. I used to have my son write down his homework assignment or the words "no homework" in his notebook and then have the teacher sign it each day. It took 2 seconds as he left the room. Then I could see what was expected and make sure he did it. Just one idea that might help........

    Answer by elizabr at 11:45 AM on Oct. 13, 2010

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