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2 Bumps

I need some serious advice/opinions

We're going thru a divorce. We have a 16 yr old son & a 10 yr old daughter. Long story short major issues with ex. I was granted full custody of our daughter and part time with son. I was always the disciplinary parent, dad the vacation dad. Son went from A's B's to 5F's 1 C. Hes loving his freedom over there. This is my weekend to have him. He tells me at times he doesn't want to come over and it breaks my heart. At his age its tough. I am trying to work with him on his homework when he has come over to help better his grades. If he says he doesn't want to come this weekend, should try to enforce the court order and kind of make him or should I just give up? I KNOW its all his dad brainwashing him. Its all about child support. Told my attorney I don't even want child support cuz thats all the ex is thinking. She said ex has been on a free ride for way too long. (He has never given me a cent to help w/kids). What should I do?

 
Ludes

Asked by Ludes at 2:11 PM on Oct. 13, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (-1 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I am sorry for your pain. I never gave up on my dd but I've never gone thru divorce. In DE, you could attach your ex. wages and have his license to drive taken. Yes, enforce the court order. You have to be the mother here, be strict and stand your ground with DS. he is probably going to say he hates you. Always answer with " I will always love you. It is your actions I do not like" Teenagers need boundaries set for them and they will push really hard against these boundaries. Make him do his homework, get his grades up and keep them up or take aways his license. You will not see the rewards of your actions now. But when he marries and settles down, he will know which parent really had his back. Even if he doesn't, you will know you did your best and that is all that really counts.
    depressedmom65

    Answer by depressedmom65 at 2:29 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • 16 is a tough age. They think they know everything. They think they are grown. They want to have freedom. This is my opinion.. Tell him, (your son) that you will not make him come over anymore. But if he want to come over it is fine with you. he is always welcome in your house. Truthfully you should get every little dime out of your ex that you can. But if you do not want child support. Don't worry about it.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:20 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • That's a hard situation to be in. I think at that age you should be able to sit him down and have a conversation about what is going on. You know, about the divorce (not details) but just the fact that you've split up, still love him, want the best for him, etc. etc. Then talk about the grades dropping. And let him know you are there to help but that he is at an age that he is the one responsible for his decisions. I don't think that you can "force" him to come to your house and then expect a positive result from it. Ultimately, his choices effect him and he will have to live with it. I wouldn't say that that is "giving up" it is just shifting some of the responsibility on him to do what he needs to do and you be there to help him when he needs it. Good luck to you.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 2:27 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I would not try to force your son to come over. That could backfire on you.
    Mommy2Gabrielle

    Answer by Mommy2Gabrielle at 2:18 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I would enforce the court order, give up the money, and try to do something about my son.....is it possible to try to get custody based on the drop in your son's grades?
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 2:19 PM on Oct. 13, 2010