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Opinions and suggestions....

I need some opinions and suggestions here. My husband has just started working again after being out of work for some time. For a while there I was the only one working and he wasn't exactly the best housekeeper, but he did keep things picked up most of the time. Since he started working he wants me to do all the housework, take care of DD and do it all with a smile on my face after working 10 hour days. I don't work every day, and my days off I clean, but he gets off work every day between 2 and 4 and wants time to himself, and because of this he refuses to pick up DD from the babysitter, so I do it when I get back around 8. Does this seem childish to anyone else, he wants me to go to work, clean, take care of the baby, and "take care of him" when I get home (even left me some laundry to fold after an 11 hour shift once) while he rests, plays video games and watches tv when he gets home. What do you ladies think?

Answer Question

Asked by heratyc at 5:56 PM on Oct. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (962 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I think this is typical of a lot of men, mine included. When we both worked full days I was the one who was also responsible for taking kids to school, picking them up from sitters, doing homework with them, all cooking, cleaning, & laundry. Only after I was laid off and became a full time SAHM did he acknowledge that it was pretty screwed up of him to make me do everything. Even though he admitted it, I KNOW that when I find another job it will be the same way. No, it's not fair but if the guy won't cooperate what are we going to do, keep bitching at them? That's not productive either.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 6:01 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I think it's very childish and you need to say something to him. Don't let him get away with doing that!

    Answer by Mom2Dano at 6:19 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • stand up and tell him that u need time to and that this is his kid too. He can have sometime to himself but needs to do his part too

    Answer by crystaldinae at 7:05 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I have told him that I need time to myself, but he thinks that I get "my time" on my days off, which are usually spent chasing our DD, cleaning the house, etc. However, when our DD's godfather came home from Afghanistan, he went to the homecoming party while I stayed home with DD who had a cold, then the next night he went back out to another party for this guy, and the night after that went to a bar, "because he needed time to himself" he said. The only time I have to myself is when I step outside to get a cigarette (which I'm trying to quit) or when I'm driving to or from work and running errands. He doesn't seem to understand that I want to have a night with friends every once in a while too, not every night like him, but the last time I had a night out with friends my daughter couldn't even sit up (somewhere around 11 months ago). I'm at a loss trying to say anything to him to make him see that what he's doing sucks.

    Comment by heratyc (original poster) at 7:17 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • can you get a sitter and go out one night? I really think you need to have a major talk to him and maybe you can get through to him.

    Answer by mandynjohnsmom at 7:38 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • As much as I hate to say it. Don't do it. Guys don't realize what is going on. I commute and hour each way to work. I work a min of a 12 hour day (very intense and dramatic, no breaks....) then I come home and he still will ask me why we don't have clean clothes, and still wants me to make dinner and clean up, and take car of the dog, and pay bills, and order stuff, and coordinate everything, etc. Sure when you quit, he will probably get pissed, but then he at least might see that he needs to help. The other crazy idea would be to talk through it. As cheesey as it sounds, have a chore chart. (not in a little kid get a gold star way) but so that he know what he is responsible for, because you CAN"T do everything. Just tell him that is the way it is. I finally put my foot down and said the least he could do was dinner. I don't care if it is frozen waffles and hamburger helper or dollar cheeseburgers from McDonalds-it's his job.

    Answer by Pumelo at 8:14 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I sympathize with you. Mine doesn't do anything either (except when we have company coming). He's been out of work since September of 2009 and I still have to come home and do dishes and what have you. Our house is not always the tidiest, but frankly I'm sick of working 8 hours a day to come home to a him sitting on his ass and leaving me to take care of it. But I can bitch until the cows come home and it does no good.

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 9:20 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

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