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so i told someone finally about my marriage issues and...

So I saw my therapist today and the reality of saying what has been happening in my marriage is too real for me not to realize we are most likely going to split. It's sad to me. I love him a lot. I wish that it wasn't like this at all. So sad today. I feel mostly sad for our kids and for him. Is that weird that I feel bad for him that he doesn't realize that we are going to split and he's going to be devastated? I feel bad that he is so blind.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Oct. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • have you asked him to go to counseling too? so you can tell him about the issues if you think he doesn't know?

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 6:58 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Does your therapist agree that the marriage cant be saved? Unless there is infidelity or abuse, I believe most marriages can be saved. When you say he is blind to this- are you not communicating your feelings to him? W/out knowing details, I can't say much more to help you. Only you know the details, and unless you have fallen out of love w/ him & dont think it's possible to find your way back, then maybe you need another therapist before you let the family fall apart. Good luck

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:01 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • it isn't weird that you feel bad for him and the kids. When I left the father of my child, I felt bad for him. I was able to put myself in his shoes and knew how hard it was going to be on him and that I was going to tear up his world by my decision. It is hard to do that. But it was what I felt I needed to do. Are you sure it is over and there is no chance to stay together? Have you been in therapy long?

    Answer by sue118 at 7:02 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I am pretty sure its going to be over. I've had this therapist for a year. Haven't seen her in awhile though. I told her some things that were happening. Just hearing them come out of my mouth was enough. Its easier to dismiss things when no one really knows. But things he's done are pretty bad and he is sure that it is all my fault. I feel for him because we were separated once and it ripped him apart. I am sure it will do the same again but I am really unhappy, lonely and very hurt by his actions. He's stopped caring for me and he's the type to not see what he has til its gone. I feel bad for him. Maybe I will pray for a marricle tonight.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:11 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Maybe he will go to therapy with you. You have been seeing the therapist for a year but has he gone with you? My DH and I went and it really did open his eyes. It seems like you still love him so it is worth trying to make it work and in order for that to happen he really has to be involved in it. Good luck to you, I hope you can work it out.

    Answer by sue118 at 7:20 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Well, I'm happy for you that you're seeing a therapist and getting the much needed clarity. It's okay to be sorry for him but you still need to move on with your life if he's not going to change. That's his issue and if it's happened before, then he is more a fool for not doing better the second time around.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:25 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • At least you are talking to someone who can help you and hopfully him and the children when it does occur...good luck

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 8:52 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • I'm sorry for you, I know it's hard. I'll never forget the counselor telling me "Your marriage is over". It was hard to hear and I hear it plain as day and always will. I think I knew it then but didn't want to admit it even though I was so unhappy and he wouldn't help to work on things.

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:28 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

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