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so i told my mother not to divorce my father after being seperated 20yrs.

Okay heres the story 21yrs ago my father cheated on my mom& had a child w/the mistris.My mom forgave him , a year later he had a 2nd child w/same woman& then left my mom while she too was pregnant w/their last child, they had 6 in total.Yet my mom nor my dad have ever filed for divorce.My father has never suported us& he has 4 kids w/his mistress& they have always had what they needed& ever wanted.My dad just recently 3yrs ago started helping my mom w/my lil sister.His gf treats us like shit, she hates us& there were times when my dad wouldnt talk to us because she didnt want him to, now my mother is sick in the hospital & told us today that she told dads gf that she understood why she had hate& it was because she never had his last name& my mom did, my mom told her to file for divorce& she would sign, it pissed me off& i told my mom if my father were to pass away she deserves every damn dime that was coming& not to file, my

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Oct. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • agreed. he could have filed years ago, there's gotta be some reason he didn't file.

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 10:10 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • said to stop holding a grudge againts my father n his stupid whore of a gf, but i refuse to let my mother divorce him, i dnt care if his gf hates us, 1st of all we never gave her a reason to, we would always help her out as kids& even as an adult i took her daughter in my home when she relocated to our state so it really doesnt make a differance if she hates me even more, am i wrong fro thinking this or is my mother wrong.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:11 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • it sounds like you are projecting all your emotional pain on material issues. the money growing up and the money after his death will not fix that hurt.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:13 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • idk i just see my mother being too nice, we would tell her to file for child support& she would simply tell us no because my dad would end up going to jail because they had so many kids, im like wtf? my mother was a single mother of 6 kids& he never once helped her out, once i remember my mother bought a washer& washed my dads clothes, well he got mad because she bought it& cut the cord on the washer, ugh just thinking about this pisses me off& my mother just wants to say okay here ill sign,

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:15 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Me personally.

    I don't think that is the advice I would have given my mother if she were in this type of situation. Mainly because, there would be no guarantee that she would get everything (completely depending on what you are including in "everything") when my father died. Since her and my father would have been seperated for over 20 years, and it could be proven that they had not lived as man & wife, in the same household sharing bills/financial support/responsibilities/home/property et.. in court.. Everything could be contested and held for years in the situation of death. However. If she divorced, especially if she lived in a community property state (and depending on what the states rules are in regards to alimony) she would be guaranteed to get what was coming to her and there would be no ability to contest it.

    That's just me though . Not what I'm saying you should do or should advise. :-)

    Answer by pixie_trix at 10:20 PM on Oct. 13, 2010

  • Despite the fact that your Dad has 6 kids all together, it definitely shows where his loyalty lies. The kids with his GF may have gotten everything they wanted and you and your siblings did not, it probably had a lot to do with his GF. Your mother should have divorced him a long time ago and gotten child support for all of you. Regardless of how you feel about your dad and his GF, your mother had to deal with the both of them for years. I am sure that you were treated a lot better than the other kids. Maybe your mom wants to give him the divorce so she can go on with her life. He's never been there for her, I doubt things will change even if she does. What does she got to lose? Things are never going to get any better for her, and she deserves some closure on that part of her life. Maybe then your mother, you and your siblings will finally be able to move on, without him.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:20 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Your mother is letting go of resentment towards him. Kudos to her. I know women who never let go and die angry. You however aren't ready to let go of your anger. Your mom is doing the right thing. You can't see that through your hurt and anger. You will see it when you let go as well.

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:53 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • first of all i want to tell you that your mom is a great woman. what she has done and how she feels in all this is a nature of kindness that only a few women have.
    i don't know what to advice you to do. just think it over with her and let her have the last say...its her life.

    Answer by Ladyblue38 at 12:00 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • File for the divorce, but make sure that his will entitles you and your family to his belongings, possessions, money, etc. before signing the divorce paperwork. Have a lawyer look at the will and the divorce papers before any signing happens.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:49 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

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