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2 Bumps

3 year old hurting my 7 month old.

My son (3) has been acting out and hurting my young daughter. He has tried to shut her leg in a door, pull her across the room by her arm, put a chair cushion on her and then was preparing to jump onto the cushion. He kicks her legs out from under her when she is trying to pull up and tries to kick her in her head if he is on the couch and she cruises over by him.

I was expecting some jealousy to emerge from my son- but I am worried that my dd is going to get seriously hurt! Any advice on how to help his transition to big brother continue without he aggression?

**I do keep a constant eye on my children- my son is just very quick and acts out against his sister before I can stop him, so please no comments on how I need to watch my children better*** Thank you for your advice!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Oct. 14, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • thats is not good i wish you luck

    Answer by devinalexis at 7:44 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Why dont you try to have him help you do something with the baby....change diaper, give a snack, help with a bath....somethiing to make him feel move involved. The jealousy may be coming from feeling left out. I'm sure at first he may not be receptive but it may help if you keep trying. Make it seem fun to him almost like a game with little sister.

    Answer by Finkette at 7:47 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • so much for posting anon:
    Op here.

    I do try to involve him in many aspects of her care. From choosing her outfit for the day, getting a diaper ready, picking out toys for her to bring with in the car, carrying her to the bathtub (with my or daddy's help) etc. When she is napping we spend a lot of time playing together one-on-one and we do a fun activity almost every day (children's museum, play group, the park, etc.) He has always been a very mild natured child and I am surprised by his recent actions:(

    Answer by bloomsr at 7:50 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I don't think there is anything wrong with a good spanking in this situation.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 7:51 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I had this same issue, but as the baby got older he was able to play with her more, and he felt better. I also asked him to help me with her, and then praised him alot for being a good big brother. Teach him to hug her and kiss her without hurting her, and do things like sit her on his lap, to assist with bonding. I was really worried at first, but now my son is my daughters protecter and friend. Keep trying and give it time, he should warm up to her.

    Answer by momof3josephs at 7:51 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Make sure he is getting praise for things he does right. And our Dr suggested we do a lunch out with just the oldest because "he is a big boy and babies can't do that". Just ideas.......... I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 8:04 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • So yeah my next suggestions would be the same as shanna84. he has to know he cant do these things and if hes going to hurt his sister then id hurt him with a crack on the butt....sorry if its too harsh but sometimes you just cant talk your way out of a situation.

    Answer by Finkette at 8:05 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I don't know if you are giving him any consequences for hurting her or not. At his age, I typically have the mom's I work with use time out for all aggression. One minute per year so he is in time out for three minutes. While he's sitting, you totally ignore him. No talking, no looking, etc. If he gets up, return him to the chair but don't talk or don't look. The more consistent you are, the quicker the behavioral change.
    He could seriously injure your daughter, you're right! His behavior is a bit more extreme than typical for his age.
    During times that she is napping, increase the amount of time that you spend with him alone. He has to feel important again! While you're feeding her, you could have him come and sit with you and read to him or do some made up stories. Kids love creative stories! Right now it sound like he's in more trouble than not. Increase your time with him as much as you can!

    Answer by AlisonAstair at 11:19 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I would start punishments with him. Start with time outs, if they don't work by themselves, try taking a toy away for the day, and gradually increase if needed. Remember to reward good behavior with positive reactions, and try to put aside an hour of just you and him time. Typically during when baby naps.

    spankings aren't a great idea because they can encourage hitting later. But definitely try some type ofpunishment to get him to realize how bad he's being. Also try explaining to him that it hurts her and isn't nice. Remind him when he gets hurt how it makes him feel and that he shouldn't want that for anyone else. Explain it makes you sad when he does this as well.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:01 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

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