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Should I keep her sex life a secret from her dad?

My fiance has full custody of his daughter who is 15 (Bio mom has never been in the picture). I know that his daughter has been sneaking around with a boy who is bad news, and she has been lying about her whereabouts, while her father is unaware.

She came to me and wants me to help sneak and lie in order to keep seeing this boy, and wants me to help her get on Birth control. I have been a friend to her and explained that she is much too young for sex. Her reaction was that she has done the simple math and realizes that her dad and mom were sexually active at her age (my fiance is 31) and she sees no reason why she can't be. Basically she thinks shes all grown up and knows better! I don't want to ruin her trust in me but I am worried about her as well. Should I go and tell my fiance about what she is doing or just keep it a secret from him?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Oct. 27, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • You should be kind enough to both of them to help them talk to each other. With my husband, I would encourage him to get involved with her. Take her on some daddy/daughter dates and remind him where he and his SO were at 15 years ago. Put the seed in his head so he can discover the truth. I would encourage her to talk to him because he knows where she is at. Emphasize how he can relate to her. You need to make it clear that you are first, her father's soon to be wife and that relationship is number one and trust is so important. There are alot of "teaching moments" you have right now for daughter and Dad. Stress how you love and care for them and hope they discover a special opportunity to talk to each other. If all else fails, be honest with your husband about what you know, but only if the daughter refuses to reveal her thoughts and actions to her father first. They are lucky to be cared for by you.

    Answer by manna1qd at 6:51 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • IMO no you should not lie for her. I wouldn't go rat her out either though. if he asks, you tell him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Oh hun whatever you do do not keep it from your fiance that can bring on trouble for the 2 of you, maybe talk to him in confidence and reach a decision together, after all I believe that since it is his daughter he has a right to know as well

    Answer by Married2theBest at 4:21 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • ABSOLUTELY not!! You're going to be a parent "figure" in her life, not a friend. What if your fiance finds out later you got his daughter BC?? I'd be livid if I didn' t know. That is a decision you two have to make together as parents: How you feel about birth control, and how to approach what is going on.
    I understand not wanting to ruin that trust. But I'd rather ruin that, and work on building it up again, than ruining the trust of my fiance/husband. Her behavior isn't acceptable as a 15 year old. Maybe if her father knew more about what was going on, or had more control she wouldn't behave that way. on the other hand TOO much control can make it worse. So you'll have to approach it gently.

    Answer by mrseum at 4:25 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • you r a parent NOT A FRIEND. on top of that he needs to know whats goin on with his daughter, if shes goin to have sex shes goin to do it no matter what. u should talk to her father about having a mature convo with her so she doesnt become worse. she thinks shes grown try to treat her like she has a little sense. To me the idea of BC is a good idea if shes askin. but having all 3 of u talk about it together might be better then u hiding it

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I would tell he is her father and has a right to know what she is up to and if this boy is bad news why would you help her sneak around with him. She may not like you but it's your job to protect her not be her friend

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • if you guys are planing on getting married then your going to be her mother... and you have to tell her father.. if you guys were already married then i could see getting her on b.c. with out dad knowing... but untill that happens its in the gray area... if you help her out with out him know and he finds out then he can kick you out of the picture all together... and that would not be good for any one of you.... so i think a quiet sit down with just him might be in order... but ask him to approach the issue not as her protecting father but as her understanding father.. make him realize he was that age once too and noone would have been able to just tell him no....

    Answer by reipea0807 at 4:44 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • if you tell her father she will totally shut you out if she is asking you to get her BC then she needs it, IMO you should get her condoms that way you aren't "putting her on the pill" and she is protected from STD's as well as pregnancy. Encourage her to talk to her father, but if you have been the mother figure for a long time, then I see no problem with not telling dad, no girl wants daddy to know she is sexually active.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Well i think Dad needs to tell her what hapens when two young kids fool arround (um obviously i did the math too!)
    they realy need to work this out because sure put her on birth controll but her dad needs to let her know that he is there to keep her from doing the things that he should have known
    *I wish i knew now what i didnt know then*

    Answer by vakatia at 4:54 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Tell her dad, but still go with her to get birth control ~~ Then, watch her like a hawk!!! =)

    Answer by christyg at 5:19 PM on Oct. 27, 2008