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How should I handle my daughter in this situation? My husband and I have no clue what to do anymore.

Our daughter has a morning routine which is totally fine with us. We respect her time and what she needs to do to get ready for her morning. However, recently she has started dragging in the morning and making herself late for school. When we give her time warnings she simply replies "ok". She doesn't move faster with the time in mind at all. She doesn't care that she is late. So I figured, why should we then stress ourselves over it? It only makes the house more tense. I wish it were that simply, but the problem doesn't end there. The school will want to know why she is late and we are the parents so they come to us. Plus, she expects my husband to walk her to her class when she is late. We both don't think he should if she chooses to be late. Fighting her about the time doesn’t bother her but it agitates my husband and me a lot and causes the morning to be tense and just blah. What should we do about this?

 
IzzeAddy

Asked by IzzeAddy at 9:05 AM on Oct. 14, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 9 (312 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • First, I would talk to her and see if, without planting the idea in her head (just in case it isn't why, but she tries to use it as an excuse anyway), I would try to find out if there's a reason she doesn't want to go to school - bully, hates her teacher, etc...

    Assuming there isn't any problems like that, then I would do the following: Tell her that 1) you are not walking her to class any more. 2) next time she is late, SHE gets to explain to the office workers why when she gets signed in, and 3) depending on age, you are going to make her write or verbally apologize to her teacher for always being late.

    Also, you could try telling her that since she has such a hard time being ready in the morning, then she must still be tired. So, for every 5 minutes that she's late, she gets to go to bed 30 minutes (or 15, or whatever, depending on her age) early at bedtime to avoid the problem.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:19 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • start making her go to bed earlier and getting up earlier till she can get herself ready on time
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 9:07 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Children at this age still need parental help in getting ready to go places. Their attention span is entirely too short to stay focuses on getting themselves to any place on time. Since you are being held accountable by the school, you need to take charge at home and see to it that she is there on time. If you let this go, I promise you that you are asking for big trouble later on.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:34 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • she is 5-8..i think you are still able to "get her ready" my son is 5 and he gets ready in under 30 mins..breakfast and all. when i see him slacking i am behind him pushing him like a football coach. i give him 10 mins to eat and wake up, 2 mins to brush his teeth, 5 to get dressed..he puts his shoes on and out the door. its not your daughters fault
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:10 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • How old is she? I would let the school know what's going on so they know it's not you who are delaying her. If they have a tardiness policy perhaps an afterschool or recess detention would nip the problem in the bud.
    MeggieSwan

    Answer by MeggieSwan at 9:10 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • peanut, good idea. Set a timer for her and tell her what simple task (ex: dressing, eating or teeth brushing) has to be completed. She is playing Beat the Clock .
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:12 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • cont

    Of course, I wouldn't do all of these things at once - I would have them be progressive for the problem, and of course, a 5 yr old can't write an apology letter, but an 8 yr old can.

    We did these things with our dd when she was about this age (she had to apologize to her teacher, and say why what she was doing was wrong - in this case, disruptive to the class, rude to the teacher who is there ready to teach her, etc...) - that solved the problem, she was 5 at the time. With our ds (who was older - he was about 10, 12 yrs old) we did the whole "30 minutes early to bed for every 5 minutes late" thing - it took 2 times - once 30 minutes early, once a hour early, and he stopped.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:23 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • The night before have her pick out her clothes lay-ed out on what she will wear tomorrow. Have her place her backpack in the car and really to go. Have her lunch really to pick up in the refrigerator the night before. Have her set her alarm just before bed time.  See you are placing the responsbility in her hands on what to do. Routine.

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 9:24 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • She will be 8 soon. I don't agree that I should still be getting her ready. I want her to be independent. Plus following her around and going on and on about the time doesn't change anything. I can't physically make her finish up in the bathroom. The issue is she will go to the bathroom and be in there for 20-30 min. She just sits and zones out. I remind her several times that she needs to get moving and she says ok. After 2 reminders she gets pissy and drags it out longer on purpose I think. Being a drill Sergeant works for some but not for her. So that is why I thought I should just not care if she is late and she should deal with the consequence of it. Only the school complains to us about it and not her. So that doesn't really work. She goes to bed at 8pm every night too.

    IzzeAddy

    Comment by IzzeAddy (original poster) at 9:25 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Oh and she has had issues with not wanting to go to school. We got her a counselor to talk to 3 days a week at school. We talk to her about it as much as we can and encourage her. She has her days where she doesnt want to go but on those days she fakes being sick. This all stems from the fact that it is a new school. She has made some friends so things have gotten much better for her. I have also asked for my brother and his wife to spend some extra time with her talking to her and having fun so she knows she isn't alone in it. I think some of it may be that she deosn't want to go but mostly I think this is just her. She did this at her old school too.


    I think the 5 min late = 3o min earlier bedtime may work. Thank you.

    IzzeAddy

    Comment by IzzeAddy (original poster) at 9:36 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

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