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2 Bumps

Is it disrespectful to my in laws to invite her?

My husband and I share a son together and I have two from a previous marriage. My ex mother in law has always been invited to family gatherings and birthday parties for all three of our kids. We are throwing a birthday party for family for our son who is turning 5. We have only been married a little over a year.My mother in law has told me she doesnt like the fact our son calls her grandma too. I explained that we didnt teach him that but he hears his older siblings address her as grandma. Actually we all do. (husband, My parents, kids, etc) In my opinion I feel we as adults should be able to set our feelings for eachother aside if its in the best interest of the child. But, I don't want to disrespect my in laws.

 
anonymous101

Asked by anonymous101 at 10:08 AM on Oct. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (58 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I wouldn't care how my in-laws felt. It's for your son, not them. And if your ex-MIL is always invited, that means you still consider her family. Everyone is adults there, they should be able to put their feelings aside for the sake of the children. My husband has two half-siblings. He is really close with their mother. Our daughter even calls her Grandma Dolly. My actual MIL passed away when my husband was young, but I know she would not care that our daughter calls her step-kids' mother grandma too. The love is all the same, so it shouldn't matter. She's still family.
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 10:14 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I think it's sad that she can't think of the child's feelings and how alienating that could be for the child. We all know what the facts are, why does it matter? My mom's miil still sends me cards on my bday. And they are always signed Grandma. My husband comes from a mixed family and it's just easier to call everyone grandma and grandpa since everyone is re married. They are lucky to have so many who love them. They will learn the facts when they get older, a name doesn't change that.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:50 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I agree with you ! Who cares what your kids call who? THe love is the same
    chefronswife

    Answer by chefronswife at 10:09 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • This is a mixed family and it is something that she will have to deal with. They should count themselves fortunate that they are still included and the kids fortunate that they are included. My sons were stepsons to my husband and they were taught that his mother was MRS. __________. They were outsiders and they were treated that way.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:12 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • No keep inviting her if she acts that way she will have to get over it
    mamakrysoftwo

    Answer by mamakrysoftwo at 10:13 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • It would be nice if all grown ups would act their age. That is sadly not the case sometimes. Invite the people you want to invite as you are the one hosting the party and let the grown ups figure out if they know how to behave together if not ask them to leave.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 10:25 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I completely agree with you about "as adults should be able to set our feelings for eachother aside if its in the best interest of the child. Some of my family members find it weird that my hubby and I always invite and have hoildays with my step-childrens mother and her mother. I speak to my SC mother on the phone just about everyday we don't always speak about the children but her and I, matter of fact all of us get along very well and it also isn't just because of the children, we have all known one another for years and what didn't work for her and my hubby works for us. Sometimes you just have to put things and feelings aside for the best interest of the children or whomever. To me it's what being/acting adult is. This is a family member of yours and if you want her there then invite her and if your in-laws have an issue then they can take it up with you at another time. Family is family no matter how they became family.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 10:27 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • She is part of your family I would invite her. And you are right, she should be able to put her feeling aside for her grandchild. I would keep telling her that you didn't teach him that he hears his older siblings address her as grandma and as he get older he will see that she is number 1.

    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:31 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Honestly, I would get over it. Her, I mean. She just needs to deal with it.

    My bonus son calls my mother Grandma Becky (or Mimi), if he's comfortable with it; my mom is comfortable with it.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 10:41 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I can understand how your ex mother in law feels. Until you've been in this situation, its easy to say "she's wrong" "get over it" "what does it matter" etc. She's a person with feelings too...and you must be sympathetic to her feelings. I'm not saying to stop your child from calling your husbands mother "grandma" but what I am saying is to understand that your ex mother in law has feelings too. If you know this will hurt her feelings, then don't invite her, so her feelings will not be hurt...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:30 AM on Oct. 14, 2010

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