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How do you help a friend whos son died in a car accident not get so upset seeing or hearing about one I hate to see her sufer so much?

 
peace013

Asked by peace013 at 12:11 PM on Oct. 14, 2010 in Health

Level 22 (13,054 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • Listen. Listen some more. Let her cry without fear of rebuke. Be there when she needs to talk. Her feelings are natural, and there is no way to get her to stop feeling that hurt, except to allow time to pass by. The link below might help with practical advice:


    http://www.watchtower.org/e/we/article_00.htm


    It is a brochure entitled "When Someone You Love Dies" These are some of the questions it answers, and I find it to be very comforting to a grieving person as well as those who are helping them to cope:


    Has someone you loved fallen asleep in death? Are you still grieving? Do you need help in dealing with your grief? Is there hope for the dead? If so, what is it? How can we be sure?

    69humblepie

    Answer by 69humblepie at 12:31 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • It is very painful. Be there and listen. Help her remember the things she chooses to. Don't tell her to move on, Don't tell her you know how she feels. Unless you have lost a child you have absolutely no idea.
    What I appreiate most is people who let me say what I feel and not judge it. Not correct it. They should never tell me that th or she is in a better place. Hold me when I need to be held. Listen when I need to be heard. Do not condemn others unless I take the lead. You do not know all the facts. In other words, be a friend. You cannot make it better. You can only allow me or her to work through our grief the way we need to.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 12:16 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Has she seen a therapist? This is a HUGE event that's happened in her life, and she's naturally traumatized, maybe even some PTSD. A therapist can help her with that.
    In the meantime, just be a friend. Be a shoulder, an ear, a cook (bring her dinner), tell her stories of your good memories of her son.
    Tootoobusy has some great suggestions, too, as it sounds like she's been there. Don't try to relate by saying "I know how you feel/it will get better/You'll move on/You can have another child" or anything else like that. Just listen and be there.
    I lost one of my best friends in a car accident when we were 18, and I spent some time with her parents, and told them stories from when we hung out together and gave them copies of all of the pictures I had of her. They said they appreciated all that. I also had video of her and I singing together that I copied for them.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:22 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

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