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Is this always this hard?

I left my husband bc of physical and emotional abuse. This was about 3 months ago. I talked to him off an on about a month after I left to see where his state of mind was. I got a protective order b/c he told someone he was going to shoot me and they told me. When I confronted him about it he denied it, but he never denied the other stuff I confronted him about. The last time I talked to him he said he had changed. He is now a devout Christian. Tonight he is preaching at the church he goes to. I am really starting to miss him alot. I'm in a new relationship now but all I can think about is my husband and wanting to go back. Will this ever go away? When I left him I moved a couple hours away. I have no job and no money so it's not like I can just pick up and go back to my husband.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Oct. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I think you should wait it out a bit longer. See if he is sincere, let him come back to you.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 1:20 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • It comes and goes - he is familiar, he was the one you loved and trusted, were making a life with. However, there is a very big and very valid reason you left him. Can you think about it and honestly say you're ok with putting up with more of that for the next 20 or 30 years of your life? Can your kids??

    If the answer is no, remember you left for the right reason. When you doubt yourself, think of why you took the action and put things into perspective. I have done this myself. Hope it helps.

    Answer by rio_burb at 1:22 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I can't say from personal experience b/c I've never been where you are but I would imagine that some part of you will always miss him. You married him for a reason after all. Just keep in mind you also left him for a reason. Most women who have been through abusive relationships end up never leaving or going back if they do. There's all kinds of psychology behind this, but really i think if just boils down to being in love, and we were all raised to believe that if you love someone enough then everything else will work itself out. Unfortunately that's not always the way it works. Don't let his new found faith or seemingly docile attitude fool you. Probability is that he's not really changed he's just putting on a show and if you go back he'll just abuse you again. There are plenty of 'devout Christians' who have abused their wives/children. I would advise you focus on the here and now, leave your past behind you.

    Answer by Skipo510 at 1:24 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I think mmmegan said it perfectly. Let him come back to you, don't go back to him.

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 1:25 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • First is has not been long enough to really know for sure if he has changed. They always say that and act that way in the beginning because they want you to come back (I have BTDT). It does get easier as time goes on. Try to concentrate on you right now and healing you and for this reason I caution you about being in a serious relationship so soon after leaving the abusive one. When it gets to be too much missing him then think about the bad times and whether you want that for you and your children again. Do you really want your children to think that is how you are supposed to act when married?

    Answer by aeneva at 2:01 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • In 3 months? Doubt it!

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 2:35 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • i agree wiat

    Answer by san78 at 8:22 AM on Oct. 23, 2010

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