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we fight every day. its breaking my heart.

My almost 6 year old is really a good boy for the most part. We have a lot of issues with him being so arguementative and saying no to almost everything we ask him, no matter what it is. Even brushing his teeh, something we have done every single day since he had teeth! I have tried being nice and patient, but it is getting harder and harder. I have resorted to being mean and grounding him, cancelling playdates, etc.. whenever he puts up a fight or says no when I ask him to do things. I am not sure if this is working any better than when I tried to be paient. I am feeling like a real jerk too. I hate the fighting.
I am sure to praise him when he does do things I ask, which is VERY rare, but he is really happy when I do, and I would think he would try and continue the behavoir.. but no.

What can I do to keep from having to constanly fight with him to do things? Charts and prizes dont help either...

Answer Question
 
VelvetCat

Asked by VelvetCat at 5:02 PM on Oct. 14, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 10 (400 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I spanked my children for such behavior, and they have turned out beautifully.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:05 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I have the same problems. I'm trying really hard to be as positive as I can about behavior and doing things the 1st time. I'm thinking about starting some kind of a journal for him to help keep track of his own schedule.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:12 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I wish I knew. My almost 12 yr old is just like this. She is in counseling and while that seems to help her some she still exhibits the same behaviours. We have spanked, grounded, taken away privilidges, etc and nothing seems to work for her. She is an angel around others most of the time but when she is comfortable with you she acts out for some reason. She does have ADHD and the therapist has said she may have ODD as well but I want to get a second opinion on that.
    luvsmygirls77

    Answer by luvsmygirls77 at 5:13 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • no advice here,.im having issues like this with my 3yr old...
    mywonderyears

    Answer by mywonderyears at 5:15 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Withhold whatever is THE most important thing to him. Every child has a "currency". Be consistent. And find more things to praise him for............the littlest things. You also might want to look at the book The Strong Willed Child by Dobson.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:17 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Have you heard of ODD?? I am recently learning about this and It sounds a little like this..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:28 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Try spending an extra 30 minutes to an hour with just him everyday. He may be feeling like you don't give him enough attention. Give him extra hugs and kisses, but not when hes acting up of course. It's hard to know what's going on inside. Try playing a role playing game where you switch roles and see what his perception of you is. I feel the same way with my 6 year old son too sometimes. I talk to him before his behavior starts. Like I will tell him "Daniel, when we get home I want you to get your clothes ready for school and for bed, brush your teeth and then get into bed." Most of the time that works but when it doesn't, I start the counting game. I give him to 50 to get everything done, then he hurries to do what he needs to.
    Just a few suggestions. After these don't work, I spank!!!
    svdbygrace

    Answer by svdbygrace at 5:30 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Has anything in your life changed? Has something happened to his routine, his life, or anything to make him upset? Try going on a special "date" with just the 2 of you and talking to him to find out if there is more going on.

    I don't spank, so if it were in my house, I'd sit down and we'd write out a giant (poster board sized) list of family rules. I would make sure to get his input as well. Then, we'd make a list of consequences for not following the rules. Again, with his input. I would follow this and be consistent.

    I know that you said rewards don't work, but maybe in conjunction with other things? We have a jar that we put stones in for good behavior. Again, you can both decide what behavior gets stones and how many and what he gets when the jar is full. I make sure to explain why they received the stones, and that the behavior is expected without a reward as well.

    I hope that helps a little. GL
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 5:38 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I dont like to believe in things like ADHD and ODD.. its just an excuse to get kids and parents relying on medications,,, i refuse, especailly when there is proof out there that simple diet changes, etc can drastically improve childrens behavior.
    VelvetCat

    Comment by VelvetCat (original poster) at 5:40 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • awh... well thank goodness you don't "believe" - I am 32 and recently diagnoses with ADHD and had I known what I know now, my life could have been SO much easier.. I am currently working WITHOUT meds or excuses but understanding.. just because someone is given a "diagnosis" does not for 1 second mean its an excuse or needs to be treated with meds...
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:48 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

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