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Would you please help? I don't know what to do anymore.

I have 2 boys 7 and 2 and a 3 month old little girl. My oldest boy is really naughty he doesn't respect me at all. He hits throws fits talks back never listens he always runs to grandma when I punish him or tell him no. He hits his little brother all the time and laughs whenever he (little brother)gets hurt. my 2 yr old bangs his head on the floor and throws tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He throws toys at his little sister and anybody who says no. He ignores everybody who calls him and smiles when he is being naughty. I have no idea where to start with disipline. My hubby works long nights and I have pretty much let the kids take over my house. I need help from other moms because my moms house was the same way and I don't know any other way. Please give me some helpful advice w/o bashing because I have severe PPD and I am ready for a true change in my household

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Oct. 14, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Bless your heart, no bashing here....plenty of people have the same problem.....You said you oldest runs to grandma when you discipline him.....what does grandma do? Does she support you? Does she live with you? You certainly need to get control, and your husband needs to help....Together you need to set rules and boundaries for the kids and consistently follow through. Be firm, and then when dad is there have him be firm also....a united front. Tell grandma the same thing. Insist on her support. ( this is easier said than done, I know).....Also, do you have any support system at all? Other moms, your mom, etc.....How are you dealing with the PPD? Med? Counselling? Do you have a religious community? sometimes that helps, too........anyway, not much else to say in a small post...best wishes to you....
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 8:43 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Be firm and consistent. Start now. Children need to know their boundaries. If they get away with breaking a rule even once, then they know that they can. Put the 7 year old in his room with nothing that he enjoys playing with, or put him in a corner, and keep returning him there, or take away a favorite item. Every time. When he behaves as you wish, then praise him. Express approval. Don't favor the other children. It could be part of his acting up if he thinks that you are paying more attention to them or favoring them. So when you feed the baby, have the 7 year old right there and read or have him read to you or talk about his day or play a game with him or discuss a TV show or movie that he likes. Right now his way of getting attention is acting up, make his way of getting attention as behaving. Acting up gets him isolated, behaving well gets him attention.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:46 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • well, you have to be consistant with the punishment. time out works really well, but you have to put them back in there consistantly if they think it's a game and go out of it. even if you have to carry them back there over and over again, they will break eventually. have you ever watched super nanny? it's a really great show and believe it or not you will see some kids even worse than yours lol. but her secret is routine and consistant punishment. and it works great (i do that too, but my kids are good for the most part lol). gl and don't give up!
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:47 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • No bashing here.First you need to show the kids your their boss.They are not your boss.Start punishing them by taking things away,and if that don't work I would start with spanking.Time out never works.It never did for my kids.And have you had your child tested for ADHD or other problems?My son has ADHD and was some agressive.He takes med now and is fine.No more agressivness.Hope this helps.Good luck.
    alisha34886

    Answer by alisha34886 at 8:49 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • So sorry to hear about this mama. It's not easy to deal with disrespectful children, I know. My daughter, Emily, is 5 and respects me now better than she ever has. My problem was that I never followed through with my discipline. She and my son would scream to the point where I just kept giving them what they wanted. Time-out is the only disciplinary action that I have found to really work. Consistency is they key tho. Always make sure you give a warning first then, if they continue to misbehave, proceed with time-out. No child wants to sit in one place for any amount of time, especially when it's punishment. Remember to stay firm with your words, start out with a warning, then place them in the time-out spot. They are really doing to test your patience by throwing things, saying bad words, and screaming but you must stick with it. Soon, they'll realize they have to respect you. Best of luck to you mama!
    Mommy_In_Love

    Answer by Mommy_In_Love at 8:54 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Maybe the first problem is they have grandma to run to. You need to start by having her back you up no matter what. Consistency will help. Some kids are just harder than others to raise. Good luck.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:00 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • First thing's first. Grandma needs to IGNORE him when he comes to her (fleeing from you). Figure out a dicipline strategy w/ dad, that you can stick with and be consistant about.
    new_mom808

    Answer by new_mom808 at 9:13 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I participated in a Strengthening Families Program which was beneficial. The general website is: http://www.strengtheningfamiliesprogram.org/about.html It was offered through community outreach - school/church/youth services coalition.
    tortkey

    Answer by tortkey at 10:15 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • If your 7yr & 2 yr old are active, my best suggestion would be to wear them out lol. Give them something consturctive to do so they wont pound one another. I would take either your 7yr old to a secluded place when he is being bad or take your 2 yrs old away from the scene, with my kids they fed off of one another. One of 11 yr old was my 2 yrs main role model in temper tantrums. I have to punish her more so he wouldnt keep copying. does your 7 yr old have anywhere to go blow off his steam when he is angry? Good luck Momma
    My_o_me_x_3

    Answer by My_o_me_x_3 at 5:31 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • gramma need to step down and point him in your direction for discipline. I would honesty sit 7 yr old down with hubby and explain to him that the next time he acts like that, he will be ignored and then Dad and mom will put all his stuff away in the garage and he will sit in his room with nothing until he acts right. also, the idea of getting him secluded from the 2 year old is good idea. It is hard cause a 7 yr old fights back, so its not like you can pick him up and put him into his room. perhaps he needs an activity to do like a sport?
    also, look up some ideas on positive reinforcement... talk it over with hubs and come up with a plan. Dont stand for this disrespect, you would be doing him a disfavor in the long run, children NEED discipline and to learn respect.
    sarlove01

    Answer by sarlove01 at 9:56 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

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