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3 Bumps

I feel like such a bad mom.

My DD doesn't listen, if she doesn't get what she wants as in food, drinks, shows anything she freaks out for just a crazy amount of time. I eventually give in and get her what she wants, I know I shouldn't but I just can't take it anymore. When It comes to bed time she freaks out and comes out of bed, and I put her back in and keep doing it till she finally cries herself to sleep. Last night I just got so sick of doing this every night, I yelled at her and she cried even more. I HAVE to yell at her to make her listen even then she doesn't listen sometimes. Time outs don't work. I'm sick of having to yell at her to make her even pay attention to me and it doesn't even help sometimes. She will not pick up her toys, I have to grab her arm to make her sit on time outs or get her off of something (I will never hurt her) What do I do? I've tried everything. Am I a bad mom? I'm just so stressed!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Oct. 14, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Take a step back and a deep breath. You are the mom. What you are doing is not working. You have to stop yelling and giving in. You have to come up with a new plan. Read some parenting books, like Nanny 911. Decide how you are going to start reacting to her. And stick with it. You can do this! Love your baby and have fun with her. One day she will be grown and you will miss her being this age so much!
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 10:23 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • time outs don't work because you give in eventually. it's a battle of wills. time out will work if you're consistant with it and ignore her tantrums. otherwise you're just wasting your time.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:08 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • She is already immune to your yelling, so I'd quit that right away for your own health. If she doesn't pick up her toys, take them away from her for few hours. If she won't go to bed, keep escorting her back, but don't say anything except, it is time to sleep. And do it all calmly. Stop the yelling.
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 9:11 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I have one of those daughters. I have to literally sit down with her and listen to what she has to say. She is 9 and is still that way. She will take a deep breath and say I am so mad at you but I do love you. I had to change my whole parenting approach with her. The typical because I said so never works with her. I always have to stay calm even when she has driven me to distraction. I have to stay calm and send her to her room and say you can't come out until your fit is over. I even had to do that when she was little. She is not your typical kid. Never will be, but when I am sick or really need something she is the best I have. (There are 4 all together).
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:12 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • My daughter is the same way and I have found the best fix for it is to be VERY consistent and strict. I react the same way, no matter where we are, to her negative behavior, and make her do what I tell her to. I give her the instruction ONE time and then either make her comply with the second command or give her time out. For time out, we do a chair in the corner and I set the timer for two minutes (she is 2 1/2 years old).

    I still have to raise my voice sometimes and I find on days that she doesn't feel like she gets enough attention she acts out more... or on days that I am being lax.

    Good luck, mamma, I know how you feel! You are NOT a bad mom! You just have a stubborn child!
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 9:12 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I know this is going to suck, but she knows you will give in. It to the point that even when you try not to, she will up the ante and then you give in. All you have taught her is that when you raise the bar, she will too and then you will cave.

    I know this is hard, but DO NOT GIVE IN!!

    You are not a bad mother. If you were, you wouldn't care so much.

    But, stop yelling. speak very quietly. Just do not give in. Keep putting her back in bed, no yelling, just put her back in. Yes, it will be over and over and over again, but soon she will get the message. When you put her in time out. No yelling, just keep putting her there and even holding her there if necesary. No yelling. If she yells, just put her in her room. She stays there until she can stop. YOU do not yell. Speak quietly.

    You can do it. I know it is hard, it's exhausting, but she will learn.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:12 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • She is under 2, she is learning a lot. She could be frustrated because she can't verbalize what she wants or needs. Stay calm and do not give in. Keep putting her back to bed, if she has to cry herself to sleep, then let her. It really won't hurt her. STOP yelling, you do not have to yell to get her to do what she needs to do. Also, TEACH her or SHOW her what you want her to do. She is not a little adult and does not automatically know what to do. It takes time for a toddler to learn things and get into a routine. give her time.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:31 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • I know it is very hard although you have to be strong and think of other ways to punish her or get through to her. In my house we did the positive reward system. So the kids each had a jar and different colored marbles, if they did something good or helped they would get a marble. If they did something we asked them not to, they would get a warning, after the first warning we would take a marble away. If they filled their jars then they got a special treat, either deciding what to have for dinner or going out for ice cream.

    I think you need to find what works for you and that she knows you will give in if she cries so she just bugs you until you give in. You have to beak this even if it takes 100 times of doing something different. Know that you are not alone and we have all been through difficult times with our kids.

    Good Luck and stay strong!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:32 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • how old is she?? Some kids don't help clean until they are older. Compartmentalizing when cleaning is best. Like lets put these books on this shelf or these dolls in the blue basket. You have to let her CIO at night. Tunr off the monitor pour a glass of wine. In a few nights she will realize you aren't coming. TO DON"T work for kids under 4. So try redirection or consequences fitting the crime. Give her ALLOT of choices so she can feel in control. Help her feel heard...
    coolchic320

    Answer by coolchic320 at 9:33 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

  • Also, try talking to her about why she doesn't want to stay in bed. Read to her, sing to her, make going to bed a pleasant routine. Eventually you probably won't have to escort her back so often.
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 9:13 PM on Oct. 14, 2010

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