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2 Bumps

Marriage's roadbumps, I need advice, am I wrong here? please help me

My husband is a good man. He's great with our kids, his family, my family, works, isn't much of a guy whose always out with the guys. It just gets to me, because he never has time for me. Whenever we're alone, he'll just sleep if we're at home. If we're out, he'll want to take someone along like one of his sisters. He says so we don't get bored. I keep telling him why dont we ever do things alone, besides sex, we never sit alone. He keeps saying why do you get mad when I ask someone to come along. It isn't that, but we never ever are alone. And no one tags along, he's the one who invites them. Its his fault. I feel like we only have a sexual connection and nothing else. Such an empty relationship. He'll never do anything for me thats special or go on a special outing just us. Like ever! I got sick of telling him, it makes me feel like I'm begging, which I hate. It's like I'm not worth being with, I feel like i tag along...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:23 AM on Oct. 15, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • When you're at home, and he's getting ready to go to sleep, pull out a deck of cards, or a movie he likes, or something that you can do together. Tell him that you love him, and you understand that he doesn't ever want you guys to get bored, but when he's sleeping your evenings away, then YOU ARE getting bored, and you feel like he thinks you're boring to HIM.

    Also, tell him you love him, and you need to feel that he loves you - not as a mother, partner in managing the house, etc - but as a woman, and as an individual - and that you want to have a date night for just the two of you. If that doesn't work, then tell him that if he's going to bring a date on your next outing, then you are, too... (JUST KIDDING on that part!)

    good luck!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:53 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I would really work on that and explain to him the importance of having time together - a once a week date night ALONE. Please don't let this go. Life is too short & before you know it, time will be gone and it will be looked back upon as "why didn't I...?" Believe me, I have reflected back on quite a bit of my marriage and feel the same way as does my husband. Now it's too late because he's terminal and is totally unable to do anything during his last days. Don't have regrets, just go for it and live it up together while you still can. Try to reason with the man and explain to him that you want to develop awesome memories in your marriage. Try to come up with new & exciting "dates" that the both of you can enjoy together. Good luck & I hope that the both of you can realize just how precious spending time together as husband & wife can be.
    TeensMom07

    Answer by TeensMom07 at 6:20 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I once was in the same situation ,I wanted him to have time for me but he never did i tried everything including packing my bags and go to my moms place nothing helped.Remember he is used to doing it !in a way he just does'nt know what to do or say when it's you and him alone,i was saved only when we moved to the other town.keep trying good luck! you going to need it
    Jacky434

    Answer by Jacky434 at 3:52 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I have been there. I think men get so consummed with all their responsiblities that they forget about us. I know my DH was always playing on the computer at night because it was his way of relaxing after a long day. The problem was we never spent any time together. Finally one night I had enough and we got into a fight, something we never really did and if my kids had not been home I would have left right then and there. In the end we had a long conversation and since then things have gotten much better. We still have our moments, although now we both put a lot into our relationship. I really think you need to talk with him, set up a date and don't tell him, that way he can't event anyone else along. Then go out and talk and listen to each other, it might be that he really just doesn't understand how you feel.

    Sadly life is to short, so if you really can't fix it then I would look for ways to make myself happy, GL!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:08 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Talk about the things you used to do together when you first met and early married. Try to rekindle those things. Also, you might want to take a look at the book Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw. It has a workbook with it and is supposedly very good. Best wishes to you.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:11 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • It sounds like he's avoiding time with you. Maybe not even intentionally. By saying "So we don't get bored" he might feel that there's a lack in the relationship. Try to get him to express why he does it. Let him know you're trying to see it from his side and that you're not trying to attack him. Then try to help him understand where you're coming from.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:07 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • He gets up in the morning and goes to work and he comes home very night. He does this for you. Look at what you just said about your husband. Any woman would want what you have. Be grateful, say so to him. How I see it, is that the problem is with you. Do you have friends you could go out with and have fun, do you read the newspaper, do you have hobbies, do you have someone that you could invite along on your family outings. A lot of families take friends of their children along. What I'm saying is find something you enjoy, make yourself interesting to your husband and others, Stop worrying about what you don't have, be thankful for what you do have. Men never grow up and he can't fulfill all of your needs. Talk to him, not at him. If your husband sees that your attention is not on him, he will come looking for it. Trust me, I've been married to the same man for 45 yrs.
    depressedmom65

    Answer by depressedmom65 at 9:03 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • This might backfire, but it's worth a shot, I think.

    The next time he plans to go out and invite someone along, just don't go. Try removing yourself from any situation where it would be you and your husband. Start denying him that sexual connection. Stop sleeping with him.

    When he realizes just how much he DOES want to spend time with you, he may rethink asking people to come with you on outings. Good luck!
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 9:40 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Sounds like he's avoiding you for some reason. I don't want to speculate why but there's something holding him back from fully giving you his attention.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:59 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

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