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2 Bumps

Which would be more difficult? A miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy?

According to my family and friends a miscarriage is far more difficult to deal with physically and emotionally. I had an ectopic pregnancy and everyone that knew about it told me that that it was no biggie since my pregnancy never would have been viable anyways and I shouldn't even be sad about it because it's nothing compared to their miscarriage. I've never had a miscarriage but I think they are both horrible and difficult things to go through and the only big differences are that an ectopic pregnancy usually has to be ended by surgery or with medication. For me, that has been harder than I imagine a miscarriage would be like because I had to give my doctor the go ahead to kill the baby growing inside of me. There. Vent over. Sorry if I offended anyone.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:45 AM on Oct. 15, 2010 in Health

Answers (11)
  • I'm sorry.

    I think an ectopic pregnancy would be worse.. A miscarriage is "natural" where as (like you said) an ectopic pregnancy results in needing surgery....Also like you said, you have to "okay" the losing of the baby...

    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 3:48 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • IMO, a miscarriage. Ectopic pregnancy you know cannot survive. It also isn't allowed to go passed a certain point. Miscarriage you have absolutely no control over. You can feel the flutters in your stomach (you never get that with ectopic), you can start picking out names and nursery details (once again, don't get that with ectopic), etc. A miscarriage can happen up to 20 weeks along... Ectopic is much more limited and is usually removed as soon as it's discovered.
    Glamourina

    Answer by Glamourina at 5:36 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Based on my DH's cousin's experience, they sound equally emotionally painful. She had an ectopic pregnancy and had to be rushed to the ER to find this out and have surgery. She was devastated. She referred to "the baby." She and her husband had been trying to get pregnant and were very excited. Miscarriage is typically the result of a nonviable pregnancy for genetic reasons and most happen before movement and you don't have control over that either. I nearly miscarried at 6 weeks and it was very upsetting although at that point my baby was barely more than a clump of cells. Although I understand that a further along pregnancy probably carries more pain, no one should treat the mother of a lost pregnancy whether due to miscarriage or ectopic as if her feelings of loss are invalid.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:53 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I've had both. They both suck but for me the miscarriage was more emotionally painful.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 5:56 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I'm sorry for you...I know someone that just had to end an ectopic pregnancy...it was very sad
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 6:27 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • i am sorry for your loss. Sometimes people do no think before they say things. It does not matter what you have it is still a loss to you and your husband. I have had 2 misc. You feel hurt no matter what. I wish you the best and lots of HUGS..
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 6:32 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes people say stupid things after a loss. I don't think either is 'worse'- both are heartbreaking for a mom to be who loses a baby that she loves. In either case, a pregnancy ends with empty arms for the mom instead of a baby in the cradle. I had a m/c with my first pregnancy and I know I was devastated- we had been on fertility meds to conceive and from the moment I learned I was pregnant I loved that child with all my heart and soul. It wouldn't have been any more or less heartbreaking if it was ectopic... actually, for a short time my doc thought it was an ectopic implanted in the ovary and my feelings didn't change when it was labelled a missed m/c instead. A loss is a loss- and I'm sorry you had to go through this. I know it sucks and I'm sorry those around you aren't being more sensitive
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 7:19 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I agree with Glamourina and figaro8895. I've never experience either one of those and I hope I never do. This is my first pregnancy and I couldn't imagine what it would feel like to loose this lil one growing inside me. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think any mother should have to go through that feeling of losing a child.
    new_mommie_2b

    Answer by new_mommie_2b at 12:06 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Well, no matter how wrong everyone thinks it is, I think that an ectopic pregnancy can be much, much worse. It can be more painful than the other because it can rupture inside the fallopian tube or the ovary. If it attaches outside of the reproductive tract, like on the bowel, the placenta can grow into the bowel wall can tear the bowel apart. It is dangerous because there can be severe internal bleeding. Once it ruptures the abdominal cavity can quickly fill up with blood and the mom can bleed out and die before she gets tot he ER. A woman can loose all or part of a fallopian tube or ovary. If it ruptures emergency is surgery is needed to save her life.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:43 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • If laparoscopic surgery is not successful in removing the pregnancy and repairing the damage, then they will need to open the woman up further. Sometimes a chemotherapy drug called Methotrexate is be given instead of surgery or in addition to it and it has it's own set of side effects and risks including birth defects for future babies. So yeah, ectopic pregnancy is not a big deal at all and I should just shut up and not be one bit worried or sad about losing a child after years of trying since it doesn't really count as anything.

    Glamourina, did you know that people can pick out names and nursery details long before they feel flutters? There is no rule that says you have to wait until a certain time. We've been trying for a baby for a long time and have names picked. Did you know that a woman has absolutely no control over an ectopic pregnancy either? Do you really think someone would chose for it to be ectopic?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:57 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

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