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2 Bumps

ME vs. Bio MoM

I have been in an amazing relationship for almost 2 yrs, i have a 3 y/o & he has a 5 y/o. We both have sole custody of our children. The Bio MoM in this case has only seen the child a month out of 5 yrs. She has never been to where we live to see her son & has never come to get him from us for visitation. In the last 18 months she has seen him less than 2 weeks, & never any longer for 2-3 days at a time. Shes always giving excuses when we make plans for her to have her son, & they always fall thru, something always comes up on her end & she cant do it. Shes constantly giving me grief, "that Im not HER SONS MOTHER" I am nice to her, I let him use my phone to call, i send her pics & vids & try to keep her updated, but it never seems good enuf for her, she turns it around that its not my job if shes upset. But when she is happy, she is fine talking to me. I am so lost on what to do in this situation.

Answer Question
 
Trying2bME5729

Asked by Trying2bME5729 at 3:56 AM on Oct. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (81 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • She's obviously a very unstable person and thank God that boy has you. Just keep bein nice to her. Be the adult, keep your side clean. Your son (yes I said YOUR) won't be small forever. He will ask questions as he gets older. When he's old enough to understand the complexities of human relationships, you'll look like a superstar. If you try and distance him from his mom, he will resent you later. Be grateful you have sole custody. You shape him, you get to see the special moments. She's just a flash in the pan. Claiming the title of Mother but not willing to put the work in. Humour her, pity her. She's missing out on being a part of someone awesome's life.
    CassyzMom

    Answer by CassyzMom at 4:58 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Stop trying. Let you SO do all the extra stuff about his EX. Truthfully it is not your job to do all that.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:55 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I think that what you are doing is amazing.If she doesn't appreciate what you are doing for her & your son then bad for her on the other hand though I would think maybe your dh can handle more things seeings how that is his Bio SON . We will never please the Bio Mom ever no matter what we do it's not good enough. I would send her the pictures and stuff but if she wanted a confortation I would have dh do it. Iwould just be the best Mom possible to him & 1 day when he gets older he will realize what & who his BIO mom is and that you are his Mom. I wouldn't let her get under my skin that's what she wants as she is probably jealous of how you have him & she don't. Some parents I think just think I don't have custody of him so I don't want to get close to be hurt. I know that's how I would feel if my child lived with someone else that someone else was being their mom not me & how close they are to that person
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 6:24 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Just keep being nice and friendly with her. These are her issues, not yours.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:32 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I agree, just keep doing what you are doing. As he gets older he will understand more about how is mother really is and he will turn to you for support. I have a friend, who just got married, and she has been in her stepsons life since he was 3 yrs/old. He is now 16 and they have a great relationship. His mother was the same way and while when he was little it was hard, now the he is older, he is very close with his step mother.

    There is not much you can do about her except ignore her. You are doing a great job and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:01 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I don't think I'd be pushing a relationship with "your son" and this woman. I also feel she is unstable and would worry about the little guy when he's with her. I would be cordial, compliant in getting him ready for visits, but wouldn't go the extra mile that you are, she sure isn't appreciating it nor do I think deserving of it. Your a nice lady to do what you do to keep him in her life, but don't overdo. By all means I agree with the ones that say let you DH do the communicating with her.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 8:03 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • It sounds like she feels like she's being judged for not being around, so she throws it in your face that you're not his biological mother. However, if she'd make more of an effort it wouldn't even be any sort of an issue. You are doing fine on your part and seem to be doing the right thing with keeping her involved. If she wanted to be more involved she could be, but she is the one choosing not to be.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 8:04 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • You ladies are helping so much. I've been here 2 yrs, 900paying tuition, lunch, school clothes & supplies & we've received nothing from her. She did complain that she didn't know what it costs, but what really does it matter? Shes not paying CS payments or anything else. She's got a ton of reasons why she cant see him on days we have planned for. She had the entire 22 weeks of summer & she spent a few days at her parents house. Then blamed our 3 day trip, for being the lreason she could not see him.

    I am by no means trying to offend her, but she needs to trny harder in a different way. Write him a letter daily, send pictures, one see where welive
    Trying2bME5729

    Comment by Trying2bME5729 (original poster) at 8:31 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • She sounds a little bi-polar. She also sounds like a guilty woman. She feels bad that her life gets in the way of her child. Don't worry and I would say keep doing the right thing. BTW why are you having phone calls with her? Let the daddy do that. Stop sending her photos your sending her constant reminders of what she is missing. Just my thoughts.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:23 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • She probably feels bad becasue she knows she is a bad mom... but blaming you for it makes her feel better about it.
    2lilbumblebees

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 9:40 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

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