Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Should i let my so take care of my son?

Well he has raised him like if he were his biological father, my ds call him daddy we have been living together for 3 years now, just recently i got a weekend job, i work 12 hrs on Sat& 12 on Sun, i have been having fights w/so because he never wants to do anything , just sit home & play xbox for hours& the kids n I are just here at our apartment, my son gets bored & starts to act up , my so ends up getting after him & we end up fighting because i feel its not his fault he is my sd just moved in 2 months ago, she will be 15 soon& i have noticed that she is watching out for my son to do something wrong& right away will tattle tale, now so & i also have a 2yr old & w/him she is differnt, she is always taking care of him if my oldest fights she will jump right away now if her lil brother starts a fight i have seen her just sit back& watch, now yesterday my mom called me up & asked if she can watch my oldest son because

Answer Question

Asked by gabby06 at 10:37 AM on Oct. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 18 (5,830 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • she too has noticed that both my so & sd do treat him a little different, im not saying my so doesnt love him , he just has his biological son as his favorite which i know bad but that is how it just is.they just dnt pay as much attention to my oldest son, he is 4. I told so that my mom will be taking him& right away he says no, why only my 4yr old & not the baby & i tell him what im seeing, he stays quiet 7 says my son will not be gong because he will take him to the park, now i feel like if im stuck, should i let my son go w/my mother or my bf, also my son told me that he doesnt want to live here anymore,

    Comment by gabby06 (original poster) at 10:41 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • If you can't trust him to care for your son, then he doesn't need to be your SO.

    Answer by mrsfitz05 at 10:44 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Well, if you think they are treating your son differently you need to address the problem immediatley. Especially if you think the teenager is causing problem on purpose. I feel sad for your son because he is at an age where he can understand that his borther is getting favored. I say leave him with your mom because you don't want to leave him in a situation where the teen could potentially pick at him. It's not safe and it's not healthy. Quite frankly if your so can't treat them equally, then what are you doing with him? Of course, maybe he doesn't even realize he is treating them differently. You sd needs to respect you as well and understand that as long as she lives there, YOU are the boss too. Good luck.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 10:49 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I would sit and talk to your SO before I did anything and made any decisions. I would explain to him the favortism that I see and tell him what kind of impact it was having on your son. He might not be aware of it. Be sure to give him examples. I would also talk to him about his daughter playing favorites with her blood brother and your son. If she is living with you, your two children, and your SO and if your SO is raising your oldest as his own, then she needs to treat him just like her other little brother. I have two half sisters, a step-sister, and a step-brother. And the steps didn't come into the picture until about 5 years ago or so. And if you saw any of us out and about, you would never know that we are not blood related, all of us! It's about a feeling, not blood. My sisters and I didn't even know we were half until we were teenagers. My dad is their father, but he's my daddy!


    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 11:00 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I second the first OP. Why waste time on someone whom you can't trust.

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 11:00 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I've never known anything else, and I never plan on replacing him, even though he and my mom aren't together any more. We don't use the labels "step" or "half" either. Just plain sister and brother. I think your SO needs to know what his daughter is doing and what he is doing. And that because of it your son doesn't even want to live with you anymore. MAKE HIM AWARE OF WHAT IS GOING ON! And if you can't trust him with your kids, one or the other or both, then you really shouldn't be with him. JMHO

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 11:02 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • As a blended family i would NEVER stand for that. It doesnt matter whos dna the kids have, you and your SO are their parents and parents should love their children equally. Siblings should just be brothers and sisters... I agree with the PP, dont complicate things with half and step, just be a family and treat each other the same.
    I would have a very serious talk with both SO and SD. That is NOT right.

    Answer by Cara5 at 11:33 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • You need to put your children first. It doesn't sound like your SO is very responsible to either his son or yours. I would not only NOT have him watch him for you, but I would leave him. He's lazy and you know already that your children are not being cared for by him. When your children are telling you they don't want to live there because of him - take it from a mother that ALMOST realized this too late!
    Take your children, leave him and never ever put a man before them again. TRUST me - it will be the best decision you will ever make. It's been almost 3 yrs for me and I have not regretted it once. GL

    Answer by Babylove76 at 11:42 AM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I would try and talk to him but if I didnt feel comfortable I would take him to my moms no matter what

    Answer by LiLJeni at 2:33 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I would never be with someone who treated my child "a little different" just because she wasnt his... I say LET YOUR MOM watch him... it will ease your mind about his well being while your at work.

    Answer by xtatianax at 5:16 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.