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Does anyone understand being "on the fence" with love?

Does anyone understand being in love with someone or loving someone and at the same time or on-and-off wanting to break things off? Meaning I love my husband, but there are and have been times when I am ready to call it quits and the only reason I can think of that I don't is because I love him....I'm a little confused. Does anyone get it or can explain it better to me?? I would really appreciate the help!

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momlovesfudge

Asked by momlovesfudge at 1:05 PM on Oct. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I don't know that I can explain it, but I know how it feels. I've been on the fence for the past 2 years. I even left for a time but moved back home. For me its a matter of being together for the past 20 years, because of the children we have together, because I don't want to see him hurting when I leave and also because I don't think he could go on without me. I do love him, but there are things and there are days when I think there must be something better, that I would feel more fulfilled if I was not with him.

    We've had couples counseling and things started to turn around, but we're right back where started at the moment. It's been difficult, but at the same time I can't yet walk away.

    You're certainly not alone, I just don't have any answers.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:20 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • That is why divorce is actually at an all time low in 20 years. Counseling and seeing that what's on the other side of the fence are just weeds is proof that it is well worth the effort of keeping it together. There is nothing but men that want a piece or a maid and if you have a good man, keep him and work it out!!!!!!!!!!
    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 1:26 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Ok, here is a little more on my situation...I have been married 6 1/2 yrs now and have spent maybe 2-2 1/2 yrs with my husband. He has been in and out of trouble or running around with idiots or other girls.. I love him, we have 2 beautiful children, but as much as I love him and want things to get better or make things work because I don't want to hurt him..I have my doubts and wonder if he will ever change. I know I can't put up with the stupid stuff any more, but I just don't know if it will be better to stay and hope or leave and try something new or possibly better..
    momlovesfudge

    Comment by momlovesfudge (original poster) at 2:42 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I would suggest if you can to get counseling for yourself. I can tell you that alone has helped me see things very differently. I found I minimize a lot of things in my relationship mainly the abuse of my husband (emotional and mental). Seeing this more clearly helps me to make better decisions for myself. Many times my counselors have told me to end it. When we tried couples counseling, our couples counselor told us to stop wasting money with her and get divorced. We do not make each other happy, we are emotionally hurting each other and we are not good for each other.
    This helped my husband change, the fact that someone threw in face that this is not working, that he is responsble for his actions and ultimately played a part in the demise of our marriage. Even with all his changes, he still reverts back. I am currently at a cross roads, because I don't know if he'll ever move forward and keep his promises.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:53 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • thank you, I am glad to know that there are others that understand and have better advice than, "do what your heart tells you" or "go with your gut" or "do what makes you happy".. Thanks. I can't wait for more.
    momlovesfudge

    Comment by momlovesfudge (original poster) at 3:00 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Oh yea that advice doesn't work, because its just so much more complicated than that. I get that stuff all the time too. The one thing I have learned from my experience and my counseling, is that you have to marry your mind and your heart to make the best decision for you. Your mind always tells you one thing, and your heart tends to be the opposite (especially in these situations). We don't want to hurt the ones we love, but at the same time we know that if things continue to go the way they are we will simply not be happy. While its us that has make ourselves happy, inevitably circumstances drive those feelings of happiness and fulfillment and also the opposite. It's certainly challenging and overwhelming.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:12 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I agree with counseling. He has to have someone else (other than you) tell him that all this immature stuff has to stop or you will leave and take the kids !! If that doesn't turn him around, then it is time to leave, no matter what your heart tells you !! Good luck.
    JustMyOpinion22

    Answer by JustMyOpinion22 at 5:53 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I think over time couples all feel this way...it s normally when life gets busy or stressful...you just have to tuffin it out, find what use to make you happy..and togethe go and do those things again..make time for just you and him....talk to him..be open and honest, sometimes they dont see the writing on the wall, and us ladies have to lead them by the hand..or draw them the picture...
    kids_r_gr8

    Answer by kids_r_gr8 at 9:48 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I hope we can work it out, but it will be 19months till he is home again and we can really work on things.
    momlovesfudge

    Comment by momlovesfudge (original poster) at 9:56 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

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