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2 Bumps

What to do about sick step-kids.

We have a his, hers & our family. Mine: 9 & 7 live with us & our two together- 4 & 1. Every other wknd my girls go to birth dad's house & every wknd between, my step-kids (8 & 6) come here.
If my girls are sick enough to stay home from school, they don't go away for the wknd. But my step-kids birth mom constantly sends them over when they have been too sick for school. Now, I have a few problems:
1. They're usually so sick they're crying all wknd for their mom (there's no place like home!) & I have 4 other kids to tend to.
2. By the time they leave, we all get sick...one by one.
3. I've asked her to keep them home if they miss school, but then she keeps it from us.
4. It's been a month since we've seen them ( they went out of state), & I just found out they were both home from school & she's still dropping them off.
We miss them & I don't know what to do. Is it "my problem" as she puts it? What would u do?

Answer Question
 
Emeraldmama7

Asked by Emeraldmama7 at 1:59 PM on Oct. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (56 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I think it IS your problem and their dad's problem as well. Yes you miss them, but why jeapordize the health of your family for them to bring an illness into the house. I see that you must have a very complicated problem here with the kids and not wanting to leave anyone out, etc... but she should keep them home. In our home my SO's daughter comes over every other weekend and if she is sick she stays home. That is my big rule... I don't see making everyone suffer. :(

    GL!
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 2:03 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • It's not like they are guests visiting. They are your husband's children. You can take care of them. They can be sick at your house. They are your children's step brothers/sisters. They are not strangers. Your home is also their home, right?
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 2:03 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • File for full custody, she doesn't seem like she cares!
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 2:04 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Well, as a mom, I didn't send my son when he was sick unless my ex insisted on taking him, I know he preferred to be home when he didn't feel well. But, the bottom line is that it is both parents responsibility to take care of their sick kids, and if she doesn't want to do it, or can't for any reason, it is their father's responsibility to care for them. And just as if one of you, or one of the other children get sick, that person will expose the rest of the family, so will those step children.

    Do I think the bio mom is being inconsiderate of her own children....absolutely, but your husband shouldn't turn down taking them, and has equal responsibility in taking care of his sick children....and equal risk of the rest of his family getting sick. And keep in mind if the step kids come over and you don't realize someone in your house is coming down with something....they get exposed as well......
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:06 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Wait... I didn't mean it is your problem as in if they're sick you have to deal with it... sorry. I meant it is your problem that she is jeapordizing the health of your other children and she doesn't care. I meant that it becomes your problem when she gets your other kids sick. (Hope this makes sense?)
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 2:06 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Sorry, but I think it is your problem on the weekends where you have them. when the kids that live there get sick what do you do? try and do the same thing with the step kids.

    unless you have a kid that lives there all the time that has medical problems where a cold would be very bad, then deal with the kids. Sorry if they cry, but that's all part of it.
    they shouldn't be expendable because they are the step kids.

    just do your best with it. Kids are going to get sick from other kids or siblings, and the step siblings are siblings!

    it's not the kids fault, try not to make it hard for them in all this, that's far worse then having to deal with a cold!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • "It's not like they are guests visiting. They are your husband's children. You can take care of them. They can be sick at your house. They are your children's step brothers/sisters. They are not strangers. Your home is also their home, right? "

    If she is respectable of their household and doesn't send sick kids over then there wouldn't be a problem. I think it to be disrespectful and rude to send sick kids to someone else's home. Would you want sick kids coming in your home and getting everyone else sick for you to have to deal with it? No.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 2:10 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I agree... they are still your DH's and therefore your responsibility
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 2:11 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • " I think it to be disrespectful and rude to send sick kids to someone else's home. "
    ride isn't so much the point. we aren't talking about a social engagement, this is a family situation and to be handled in a entirely different manner.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • anonymous, I get where you are coming from but I still think that the kids that are sick should stay where they are. There is no point in having everyone pass the illness around. We are in the same boat. SD gets sick BM sends her to our house we get sick then she goes home gets them sick and it can be a never ending process. You know how it is when you pass something around in your house and one by one everyone gets it well what is the point of doing that if it doesn't have to be that way.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 2:21 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

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