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Do Birth Moms read Groups for Adoptive Parents?

I am an adoptive parent. I read Birth Mom groups to help me predict how my daughter's birth mom will act and feel. I don't say anything, I just read.

I wonder: Do Birth Moms check out Adoptive Parents' groups?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Oct. 15, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (10)
  • I belong to both a birth mom group and some groups that have all triad members. However, I do not go to groups that are ONLY for adoptive parents, and I don't know any moms who do. Maybe there are some, but I know lots of birth/natural moms and none who do that. Sometimes I wish some of the amoms who do speak up in the birth mom group would be more respectful, and think more before they post. A few of them are great though.


    Answer by Southernroots at 9:41 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I kinda figure that whatever is posted on the web is completely public, and you should't post anything that you don't want anyone, and I mean anyone to read. (Anon is always there if you need it.) I say assume yes.

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 9:26 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I read and post in the Adoption group. There used to be one for "Mother's of Adoptees", but since birth mothers are mother's of adoptees too that doesn't really exclude us. Other than that I don't know any groups that are for amoms only. There's the ones that are for paps looking to match with a pregnant woman, but they're all closed because they know we'd be in there warning the expectant moms what pain they are about to inflict on themselves and their babies.

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:46 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • As an adoptive mom, I do not bother with any kind of group. I guess I should but I just don't. Every birth mother is different. I realized my son's birth mother is not like all the other mother's out there who have placed their child for adoption. She may have some similarities but in the end she is going to respond the way that is in her nature or from her perspective. I can't really be prepared for that other than just try to keep open and do the best for my son. I can try and guess all I want but there is the saying....when the rubber meets the road. And on that day when the rubber does meet the road then I will respond.

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:52 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • yes

    Answer by Aislin at 1:34 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I personally, as a First/Natural Mom, NEVER visit or invite myself to Adoptive parents groups. I just feel, I am not a person who adopted, nor will I ever therefore cannot ever understand what it is they live each day. I must agree with a previous reply, ALL parents are different, so to use the excuse" wishing to learn about how my childs First/Natural mother may feeling ", is just that an excuse. MY feelings, will never be the same as any other First/Natural Mom, so it is useless to "get a feel", for what "we" may be feeling,(every adoption journey is different). I do not think it is wrong, for those to come to our group, but to reply with certain expectations of our feelings, OR negate our feelings...IS totally disrespectful, and IMHO, do not comment on something you are incapable of having "truth" about, (living it)! I will always respect others in 'their home/group', I ask only the same, Blessings,CJ

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:37 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Each BM will act/react differently, so don't put too much weight into what you read.

    Answer by TALuke at 11:00 AM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • i am a birthmom and yes i do i feel we can all help eachother know what it is like on the other side. i feel that sometimes it helps to know how adoptive familys cope and that from time to time i may be able to help

    Answer by sttawardnas at 8:09 AM on Nov. 11, 2010

  • I always read the description of the group and join if I am welcomed in the description. I would assume that if the description of the group welcomed bmoms, then they will be there.

    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 11:38 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I am group owner of Mom's Touched by Adoption. We have members from all sides of the triad there and it works. People are respectful,caring and supportive and maybe there is a healthy debate every now and then ,but that is normal. I am an adoptee and I am a member of AAPOV, Adoption Reunion,Adoption and Birthmoms. I wanted to really learn from all members of the triad and i would not ordinarily join a group i dont "rteally" belong to...BUT in order to learn ,grow and support me and my reunion with my bmom just works.


    Answer by Gracie06 at 3:18 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

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