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3 Bumps

Would you take your kids to visit their father in prison?

My cousin's ex boyfriend,the "sperm donor" of her kids is going to prison for 12 years for aggravated battery on her,and for robbery of his former place of employment. Her kids are 2 and 5 months.
I told her taking them to see him would be a BIG mistake. He had his chance to be a decent father. He gave that all up when he decided on a life of crime.

 
butterflyblue19

Asked by butterflyblue19 at 5:40 PM on Oct. 15, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (36)
  • I wouldn't take them, and I'd also file to have his parental rights terminated.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • 5 months = nooooooooooooo.

    2? Erg .... I'd start w/ pictures and letter exchange and phone calls perhaps.

    Does he have any money, is he helping out w/ the babies?
    And does the prison have a decent family area where it's less traumatic and there's trained professionals there?
    A lot to factor in
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:42 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • no, i would never take my child to visit there father in prison unless they were older and really wanted me to.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:52 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I had to visit my step-dad in the pen many times as a kid. We had to travel to go, so missing school was nice. honestly, that was the only good. I felt safer knowing he was locked up. I felt like I had my "real" mom when he was locked up, not the drugged out version of her he preferred. Those kids will have formed a bond with a different male if he's in for all 12 years, so I don't see any good coming from it for them.
    silversmom

    Answer by silversmom at 5:42 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I think it would depend on the children's ages and how long he's going to be in jail. in your cousin's situation, I wouldn't be taking children that young because they really won't understand. It would be better to explain to them that daddy did something bad, that he shouldn't have, and now he's in time out for a long time and they won't be able to visit with him for a while. If he's still there when they're about 6-10, then they can understand a little better.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 5:43 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I would wait until they where a little older like around 4 or so and just start of with pictures and letters. Even if they guy is a screw he should get to see his kids some. My dad went to prison when I was 6 for aggraveted assult on an officer when I called them because he was beating the crap out of my mom. Though the cop deserved it. I wasnt hard for me to see him in prison and they activitys for kids do and there were other kids there visting there fathers that I got to play with.
    K3lly94

    Answer by K3lly94 at 5:53 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I wouldn't take children that young to see him. Esp since he is there for hurting their mom. Children will pick up on the tension and bad feelings but not understand what happened. When they are older if they express a desire to see him, then maybe I would do it, but only if they want to.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 5:54 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Nope it would be a cold day in hell before I took ANY child of mine to visit ANYONE in jail/prison
    kjbennett26

    Answer by kjbennett26 at 6:05 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Maybe when they are big enough to understand more, because regardless of how much he sucks ass, he has a right to them. Good dad or not. I'd hold off as long as I could until he really started badgering me to see them.
    donnareedonLSD

    Answer by donnareedonLSD at 6:14 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Sorry, but if my kids father was dumb enough to land himself in jail then I wouldn't have my son visit him. If he wanted to see his son then he needs to be responsible enough to keep his butt in line.
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 6:18 PM on Oct. 15, 2010