Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Keeping adoption or Paternity a big secret.

A situation I've heard time and time again.
a kid was adopted, the man they think is their father really isn't and so on.

then once they get into drivers education and need their birth certificate, the mom tells the kid that it's impossible to get, or fights them on it some other way.
or once a parent dies the child (usually a adult) is given their adoption papers. Or a relative finally tells.

this is a secret that little to no one can keep. I understand that some may want to keep that secret, but we all see how unsuccessful the attempt is.

Then the person they were trying to protect is hurt the worst by the years of untruth or secrecy.

Since it's a secret that can't truly be kept, why try?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Oct. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I will never fully understand an adults reasons for keeping stuff like this a secret. Why? It will only hurt in the long run. Children that know from birth who they are will be much more able to deal with it then those that are told later in life.
    I was adopted. Always have known that I was adopted. I'm okay. :)

    Answer by Roadfamily6now at 9:55 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • i think the reason most parents try to keep it a secret for so long is they fear the child will want to find their biological parents and love the adopted parents less. its a logical fear. but i agree that its not in the best intrest for the child (under most circumstances) to keep it a secret

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 8:33 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • op- there was a lot of hurt in my family with one of my cousins when this was done. always made me feel bad so I was wondering if anyone can give insight to the other side of it-

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:12 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • As an adoptive parent, I have no clue. Our dd is adopted from China so it's glaringly obvious that she is adopted...however, even if she had been adopted domestically she would have been told her adoption story from day one. Every adoptee deserves the same rights to their history as a biological child. Period.

    Answer by mcginnisc at 9:45 PM on Oct. 15, 2010