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Is it "normal"/common for males to be emotionally withdrawn? Our daughter isn't two months yet, so part of me thinks he hasn't warmed up to her. On the other hand, he doesn't try to spend time with her (or me), like I think he should. We're both young parents, but I know the day she was born I was ready to be there for her from that day forward. He spends his time doing everything but speding time with her, or me. I'm starting to think he really doesn't want this. I just don't know what to think.

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sdms

Asked by sdms at 10:12 PM on Oct. 27, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • A lot of men are afraid of newborns.... sounds crazy but it's true. My hubby loved all of his babies but even after the first one, he was afraid of them when they were tiny. Age prolly is a factor as well.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:18 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • I urge you to read www.sarahjbuckley.com/articles/ecstatic-birth.htm about how hormones happen during pregnancy and birth. It gives a good insight into how young women often grow up when they become a parent, but their boys don't. It is possible that he feels un-confident about handling her, or that someone will find fault with his awkwardness and so he's afraid to try it - in that case offer easy tasks and help him build success. My husband was so busy and overwhelmed with his responsibility for wife and child that he failed to bond with our first 2. He was a great dad, but he and I ... (cont'd)
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 10:25 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • (cont'd) ... differed about parenting - he always felt I was being over-protective. With our 3rd, 8 years later, he DID bond. And I noticed that this time he had all the same instincts I had had caring for our first 2 as babies. So, although he still continued to tell me I was over-protective with the older 2, I now knew to trust my judgment more - that he was just less bonded with them. So -- I hope you figure out your immediate difficulty, but I do want to mention that you should listen to yourself when caring for your baby - whether it's how much to carry her around or have her sleep beside you in bed, or whether you are "spoiling" her (clue: you can't spoil a child younger than 5), or whether you put her into daycare ... YOU bonded with her, you have the right instincts.
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 10:31 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • WELL SOME MEN ARE JSUT LIKE THAT HE HAS SOME RESENTMENT BECAUSE HE MAY FEEL LIKE IT WAS TOO SOON AND ALSO HE MAY FEEL AS THOUGH SHE IS TOO SMALL FOR HIM TO TOUCH OR HE MIGHT BREAK HER GIVE HIM SOMETIME HE WILL COME AROUND YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE THAT HAD TO CHANGE HIS LIFE IS CHANGING TOO AND IT IS HARDER ON THEM THEN IT IS ON US BECAUSE WE HAVE THA MATERNAL EXTINCT AND THEY DON'T
    sniyah

    Answer by sniyah at 11:21 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • It's normal for men to have difficulty bonding with their infants. First of all, men are "action oriented" -- babies are not. Second, you are the caregiver -- everything the baby needs you can provide. He may need you to help "introduce" him. He may even fear hurting her by accident. Encourage him to participate in "safe operations" so he becomes more comfortable. Perhaps reading a story to her while you hold her is a good start. Don't forget that once you give birth you are now MOM and some men have trouble with the Wife/Mom thing. Make sure you remind him that you're still the woman he married.
    WD40

    Answer by WD40 at 11:25 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Um...ask him?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:24 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I did ask him. I made a follow-up 'question'.
    sdms

    Answer by sdms at 11:24 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

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