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How to get your hubby to stand by you/stand up for you?

Ok, It doesnt matter who it is... if someone opens their mouth and is rude to be... neighbors/friends/parents/etc.. My husband doesnt back me up, stand up for me, or anything.. Our biggest problem is with his dad.. His dad ALWAYS is rude.. makes rude comments and dogs me or puts me down in front of him... and I ALWAYS have to take up for myself (which i just started doing recently bc i got sick of taking it.) My husband just says.. its how dad is... or well if i agree with him then I wont say anything. THIS is NOT how I was raised. I was raised that regardless if you thought the person was right or not NO ONE disrespected your spouse.. and you just sat there and let them. I cant take it anymore.. I dont know how to get him to realize that his to me this not only lets them think its ok to disrespect me but it also is disrespectful for him to allow it to happen.... what can i do?


Asked by Ross2010 at 10:25 PM on Oct. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do....this is how HE was raised.....and unless he sees it, and wants to change, it isn't going to happen....he is probably intimidated by his dad.....and in his family .....that's how dad the acceptable way of handling things in his family.....Over and over, talk to him, tell you how this makes you feel....but plan to stand up for yourself....

    Answer by Anna92464 at 10:48 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • dont ever back him up, I would have a serious problem if mine did that have u told him how u feel? thats not cool

    Answer by skin172 at 10:27 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • Wow, sounds like someone needs to grow a pair! I'm not sure how you can make him see that what he is doing is completely unacceptable. All you can do is tell him that it needs to change and if he can't or won't, then ask yourself if you are willing to live like this the rest of your life. Good luck:)

    Answer by shanlaree at 10:31 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • And let him know next time he wants to hang out with his dad that you're not going. Set boundaries and let him know that you will not be where you are being abused. He can go by himself. As for what skin172 said, I think I'd do the opposite. I'd stick up for him and let him know how good it feels! GL!

    Answer by Adelicious at 10:35 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • I just went through something similar this past year with my husbands sister! I was told in the beginning when I met her... "that's just how she is"...very bold speaker, so rude. He grew up with this, so he was used to it... figured a warning was enough. Well it's been a trip! I didn't sign up for that..., but it's what I am dealing with now. I have to deal with her words, looks and actions every single time, but it's a million times easier with him by my side... I suggest he mans up and takes your side! He should always. I would be very hurt and lost without him there. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WOULD TAKE TO MAKE YOUR HUSBAND SEE.. but if you ever need to vent about it... I CAN RELATE... for days, weeks, months... I can relate. Her Mother, Aunts and Gma have even apologized for the way she treats me in front of the whole family! Brought her Mother to tears on Christmas Eve. :( Some people are heartless.

    Answer by MeghMirab at 10:52 PM on Oct. 15, 2010

  • If he doesn't back you up, than don't back him up. It looks like he wasn't raised with respect. Married couples should take the sides of their spouses. Regardless of who they are. With children in the home, he really needs to work on this so your kids will treat people the way they should be treated, or rather respected. Your kids will treat people like this is he won't change.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:18 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • Maybe he's afraid of what his speaking up would lead to. Men who dont speak up and/or defend their wives, are afraid of confrontation. They most often wont confront anyone over anything, right down to the waitress screwing up their food order. they'll eat it, rather than speak up. I on the other hand have no problem telling someone what i'm thinking. how i say what i do, depends on their attitude. I personally would not be able to respect a man if he didnt defend me. and if i cant respect the man i'm with, then I cant be with them. whimpy men are a huge turn-off.

    Answer by RubyinPA at 7:35 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • ive never had that problem, whether i am right or wrong in these situations, my hubby always takes my side and defends me. i also am not afraid to defend myself and give as good as i get, but usually i never get the chance because hubby puts a stop to people being rude and disrespectful to me reguardless of who it is. but i do know people whose hubby's dont, and some of them wont defend temselves either, but one couple i know, the hubby never defended the wife, but she talked to him about how she felt and it has gotten a little better now, they are still working on it thought, so maybe you should let him know exactly how you feel. gl.

    Answer by kmjsmommy12345 at 11:41 PM on Oct. 16, 2010