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are they doing it to make me feel bad??

i just recently found out that my grandpa has cancer and they arent expecting him to make it much further than christmas. Everyone in my family says that my daughter is going to take his place meaning when a baby is born in the family then somone is gonna die. I feel horrible about them saying that like its my fault or my daughters fault for being born that my grandpa is going to pass. i dont know what to think.

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Asked by burtney0921 at 10:36 PM on Oct. 27, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (26)
  • Some people believe that in order for a baby to be born that somebody has to die. Do not let them get to you. Talk to them and let them know how much them saying that is hurting you.

    Answer by imtheonlysane1 at 10:39 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • That is HORRIBLE of them for saying that to you! You need to be very honest with every single member of your family that is saying this and tell them that you don't appreciate it and you don't find it very nice at all. It's not like you knew you were going to have a baby right around the time your grandpa is sick! Gahhh. My family sounds a lot like yours, I can't believe how mean some families can be :(

    Answer by caitxrawks at 10:41 PM on Oct. 27, 2008

  • Dont believe that BS, its a superstition. Where i am from we believe that at every funeral there is a woman there that is pregnant, weather or not they know it. My great grandma's i believe my sister in law and my cousin was expecting. I was expecting at a cousin's funeral. I wouldnt let them get to u. Its just fate. Him being sick has nothing to do with the birth of your daughter. And i am sorry to hear the bad news about your grandfather.  Be strong.


    Answer by Florence_Moss at 12:37 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Are they saying it in a way that is supposed to hurt you, or are you just hurt by the idea of what they're saying? They could be using it as a way to cope through the loss of your grandfather and may not see what it is doing to you. I had a similar thing happen when my cousin was pregnant with her daughter and her husband found out he had terminal brain cancer...the family was talking about how her husband would live on through the baby and all my cousin heard was "your daughter is never going to know her father". They were saying it to help them justify things in their head and make his loss easier for them, but they were hurting my cousin by saying it.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 8:06 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I don't think that they are trying to hurt you. I think that they are trying to use it as a way to cope with there own grief. If you tell them that your daughter will never take his place only make one of her own I think that they may stop and think about what they are saying to you. I am very sorry to hear about your Grampa. I know that it is a hard thing to lose a loved one. But think of it like this your Grampa will live on in everybody in your family. You all have something that he gave you. Even if it is out look on life or they way you smile, everyone is carrying a piece of him. So no one person can take his place but you will always carry him with you. Enjoy the time you have with him and take lots of pictures so that your daughter can know him thru those and you have something to look back at and say this was my Grampa.

    Answer by mommy_of-2 at 8:36 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Every single minute of every single day, someone dies in this world and someone is born. If I were going to believe that a new baby took the place of someone who dies, I would believe the death and birth would occur at the same instant. But really...if that is true, how would the population ever grow? We would have the exact same number of people on the planet in every generation. So don't let it bother you. It is just a superstitious belief and has no bearing on you and your child.

    Answer by profmom922 at 8:38 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I was born the day after my great grandfather passed away. As a kid, when my birthday came around and I got asked how old I am, it didn't fail that I got the "I can't believe Grandpa's been gone that long." I know they didn't do it to make me mad, but if they took two seconds to think about what they were saying, they would have realize how inappropriate it is. Its just some people's way of dealing with their grief. Thank goodness I'm long past the age of people being ok with asking me how old I am now. (I'm sure many of them still do the math and think of grandpa, but at least they aren't saying it to me anymore.)

    Answer by pennyfred at 9:20 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • This is just not true. Don't believe this. YOur child is a blessing from God and his timing is perfect. Just ask them to stop saying this because you are not buying it. Maybe your grandfather will pass on but not because your baby is born. Because its his time to go.....hang in there.

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:23 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I dont believe that, but I'm not sure they meant it in a hurtful way either. I was born 10 days after my grandpa passed, so now it makes me wonder! lol....just let them know how you feel about it. you shouldnt feel bad for having a child. If nothing else I believe that God gives us children when people die to help us deal with the grief and help keep us happy in that time of sorrow. kwim?

    Answer by twiceamommy2007 at 9:25 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I dont think they mean it in a bad way, its more like someone being reborn... I wouldnt take it personally. They probably dont mean any harm.

    Answer by fcangel9 at 9:33 AM on Oct. 28, 2008

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