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2 Bumps

Take my kids to visit my relatives by myself or does he have a point?

I was sexually abused by my father when I was in my tween years (no penetration but touching). I ended up reporting him to protect my younger siblings from having to deal with it. He went to counseling. We didn't talk for years. My family (dad included) lives over 7o0 miles away & the kids (both under 5) have never been to my home state (have only seen their grandmother once). I want to take them. DH refuses to let me visit them with the kids by myself. As a mother who's been through abuse, I know I will be mama bear protective of my kids (both under 5). DH said that he is the ultimate protector of the family and that it's not a judgment on my ability but he doesn't feel that the best protection for the kids can be done unless he goes (which he can't because of work schedule). I think he's being a pompous ass and I'm hurt and feel like he's saying I'm not a good enough mother to keep them safe. What do you think?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Oct. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I dont think he is trying to be an ass but looking at it as two sets of eyes are better than one. I would be the same way if i were him. Those are his babies and he wants nothing to happen to them and wants to do everything in HIS power to protect them. with just one of you watching there would be supervision but two of you would be even better. Thats a horrible situation and environment for them to be in so i don't blame him for demanding on being there. I think you should schedule a time where he can go even if it is a couple months away.
    MamaHardy2008

    Answer by MamaHardy2008 at 12:26 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • that's a terrible thing that happened to you...i'm sorry...but...i think i'm gonna side with your hubby
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 12:42 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • you want to take you kids to see a child molester? sorry, but I think that is a bad idea by any stretch of the imagination.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:42 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • sweetie.. im my opinion.. i would want him by my side. not because you are not strong enough now.. but bc it is easier for him and you both to handle if you are both there. I say this because I was physically and verbally abused by my ex.. beat me, raped me after i filed for divorce (unfortunately i didnt have the courage to do anything about it bc i was too scared of him) now when I am not around him.. and do not have to see him or deal with him.. i am strong and can handle the situation better.. even when he calls i can.. but when he has supervised visits with my daughter.. it is VERY hard for me to handle. i feel like i am back beneath him.. like he can say what he wants and i only stand up for myself to a certain point.. it helps to know that i have someone there to protect me and my daughter (under 5 also) if he thinks he can go farther than he should.. let him be there for support. :)
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 12:45 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • Your DH is right. Why can't your mom come see you by herself? I think that would be better.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 2:32 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • Sounds like he is only trying to protect the kids and you. Let your mother come and see the kids if she wants. Not worth making this into a battle with your husband. The kids are not old enough to appreciate a visit to your home state at this point, or even to visit other relatives - let them visit the state when they are older, but they do not need to visit with your abuser at any point - he threw away the right to have any part in your life (or that of your kids) when he abused you, regardless of when it was. I would not be hurt - be happy and proud your husband loves you enough to want to protect you, even if he feels you are capable of protecting yourself and your kids !
    JustMyOpinion22

    Answer by JustMyOpinion22 at 8:18 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

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