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5 Bumps

Natural Mothers - Would you adopt-back your child?

Just curious if there are any other natural mothers interested in this. Or, adoptees interested in being adopted-back? I did it myself, 3 years ago.

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Asked by Cedartrees4 at 4:02 AM on Oct. 16, 2010 in Adoption

Level 6 (112 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • It would be nice to work up a relationship with my bio mother, but after this many years and all the chances she had... i don't see it happening. I would say though if I ever had put one of mine up for adoption I would love the chance at if nothing else a good relationship with them

    Answer by pinkrayn at 4:05 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I think ONLY unless the adopted home isn't a safe environment and there aren't any other relatives capable of taking the adopted family member in, then yes the biological parents should have a chance to step in.

    Just doing it "because you can" is very cruel in my eyes.

    Adoption is a permanent ordeal, not to be overturned lightly. By doing this, you are cutting ALL legal ties with your child and making the adoptive family your childs family now... Forever family.

    I was adopted when I was 3 months old. It was the best thing my Mother ever did for me. I also had a son at 17 and did eventually give him up for adoption when he was 6 months old.... to my foster parents. By the grace of god I was able to keep in contact with him, and still am... But I know that they are his family now. I am a family friend until he turns 18, then I am whatever he wants me to be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:55 AM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • See, this is why I am more a fan of open adoption. That way the child knows from the start they are adopted and it isn't just "thrown" on them when they are older. Imagine how much of a shock that can be to a child. I would think it feels like having your family torn away from you. But, that's just mo.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 6:54 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • @ Ashley

    Open adoption does not work for all families. Some birth parents are not capable of handling it, some are a flight risk to the child, etc. Even distance becomes an issue. If the child's birth parents are in California, but the adopted parents are in Maine, open adoption will generally not work.

    Even very strong proponents of open adoption emphasize that relationships between adoptive parents and birthparents can change, sometimes quite a bit, after the adoption. Being aware of the emotional and psychological experiences of others can help prepare adoptive parents for the situations that come up in their relationship with their child's birthmother. It's also important to realize that neither party can fix the problems of the other. If there is serious conflict, it is critical that you seek a third party to help everyone address the issues.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • WTH do you mean "Natural mother?" Just because I adopted my children doesn't make me "unnatural." That term is so terribly offensive. If you mean a "birth mother" then please say that.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 1:13 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I would love to be adopted back. For one, it would fix my birth certificate, in a way, my descendants would be able to trace correctly. For two...adoption, like in most cases, should've never happened. My mother needed support, not to give the baby she loved and wanted away.

    Answer by AveP at 5:17 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I would if he asked me to. But, that's highly unlikely.

    Answer by onethentwins at 9:51 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • If she asked me to I would do it in a flat second.

    Answer by Aislin at 1:30 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I agree with Avep on both points. And I'd do it in a heartbeat too- except I'd want to just overturn nullify my adoption and not be adopted
    My mom and I have talked about it. And even though both my aps are deceased, and she's aware that I wasn't a happy and pampered adoptee, she's not so keen on it. It's like she still feels obligated to uphold her end of the deal.
    I have not told her all the dirty details of growing up without her.
    'they' promised her I'd have a better life. And I can't see where telling her how horrid it was would help either of us now.

    Answer by adopteeme at 3:39 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • No ceallaigh, I said natural mother and I meant it. I am a mother, the natural mother of my oldest son. The term "birthmother" to me is offensive as it means a non-mother. So don't insult me by calling me that term.

    Adoption of children is not natural -- it is a recent modern social/legal invention dating back 159 yrs. It is not found in nature. Hence I am his natural mother, his mother by the laws of nature. You may be a mother by the laws of Man, but that's no reason to insult mothers who have lost children to adoption by calling them breeders (a.k.a. incubators, birthers, birthmothers, etc.)

    Comment by Cedartrees4 (original poster) at 3:48 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

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