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If you have miscarried

If you have miscarried, was there anything anyone did for you or got for you that helped you after your loss?

A good friend has miscarried & Im at loss of how to help. I am so sorry for anyone who has had to go through a miscarriage.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Oct. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • The thing I appreciated the most was my best friend sent me an 'I'm there for you' card. I appreciated that she was thinking of me, and I appreciated that it was 'long distance' as I just couldn't handle anything more at that point. Talking about it made me lose it completely. Over time, the thing I have appreciated the most is the people who don't act like it never even happened. I remember the anniversaries and things like that and it helps me to know that others also remember.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 2:34 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I had a very bad miscarriage that was made public at work(not my wishes). I had to leave work because I couldn't stop bleeding and cramping. Everyone kept coming up to me and saying they were so sorry and "I know how you feel" and "Don't worry, you'll have another" and "God took that baby to make a more perfect one" I really didn't appreciate any of their comments. No, you don't know how someone feels. No, haveing another baby doesn't make up for the lost one and No, God doesn't make duds so that's not the reason. It was really annoying to hear all of this when I was greiving and trying to do my job at work. Best thing to do is say it one time that you are sorry for their loss and leave it at that. there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to make it better and the sooner the person gets their mind somewhat away from it, the better. Don't give the lady a sad look everytime you see her or pet her or anything.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I had several miscarriage when I was younger. Tell her you're sorry for her loss. Maybe give her a card, and let her know that you are there if she wants to talk....or needs some distraction. Give her a little time then maybe invite her to lunch, or a movie and dinner to help her get back to her life.

    there really isn't anything you can do, but be her friend.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:30 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • My mom got me a beautiful perfume bottle and put a penny from the year I lost my baby on the bottom of it. I put colored water in it and whenever I felt sad about losing my baby I would hold the bottle and pour all my hurt and grief into the water.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:09 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I just received lots of phone calls and lots of support. That helped alot.
    GinNTonic

    Answer by GinNTonic at 12:11 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I miscarried my baby when I was 11 weeks along. I had no one and had to deal with it on my own. No one knew I was pregnant besides the babys father, who left me shortly after he found out and my ex boyfriend because I was going to adopt my baby out to his aunt and uncle who had been on a waiting list for close to 5 years, I was 17 at the time and would have been 18 when I had my baby. No one in my family knows till this day about it. The secret just lays between 3 people.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:30 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • No, know one did any thing for me. What are they suppose to do for me. Make me feel worse then I already did. to me the best thing to do is nothing. Maybe tell the person you will be there if she needs anything and to call you. That is about it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:30 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I miscarried twice. My step dad and (now) husband did the two things that helped me. My step dad brought me home a 1lb chocolate bar and a 24oz Mountain Dew. That was his answer whenever something happened to me and I loved it. My (now) husband was just there for me. The first miscarriage was harder on me, especially since we weren't married. But him just being there for me to cry on his shoulder helped so much.

    I have also helped a few friends through miscarriages. I just sit and listen and am a shoulder for them to cry on. I provide information if they ask me to look something up. I even offered to be a surrogate for one due to her circumstances.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 1:06 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I haven't, but 2 of my sisters-in-law have, and I know they both appreciated food - whether it was a meal, or just some homemade goodies, they loved it. 1 of them actually called her Dh to bring home a banana cream pie - her favorite. She drowned her sorrows in half that pie. So, offer to bring a meal, or have her (and her family, if she's married and has other kids) and her family over for a meal, and also bring or give her some cookies or bars, something decadent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 PM on Oct. 16, 2010