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6 Bumps

Is it okay to go behind your SO's back?

IF your SO does not have the ability to save money would you feel that it is okay to lie about where money is going to save for the future (or large much needed purchases)?


Asked by seturkey at 6:10 PM on Oct. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,784 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • its never okay to go behind your so/dh's back about anything. why hide something that needs to be brought out to each other, so the both of you can deal with it? isn't that what a partnership is?

    Answer by dullscissors at 6:15 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I don't believe so, no... It's deceitful, if they have trouble saving money then you need to address the issue and set up something they agree with, but doing it and keeping it from them is simply not okay.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 6:12 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • In my marriage.

    No it would not be okay for me to do that behind my husbands back.. If we were encountering such a financial issue (which we did about 20 years ago.. and this is what I did do... LOL) I would take control over ALL of our finances.


    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:13 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • Yes I think it would be ok. Its not exactly lying. Your saving for the benefit of you both and you family. It would be wrong if you were saving to go buy something frivolous for yourself. If thats not your intent, saving money isnt wrong. It will be extremely appreciated on the rainy day.

    Answer by lacyjones at 6:17 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • Me and DH were in a similar situation -- he's a spender, I'm a saver! I never "hid" money, I just didn't outright disclose how much we had in savings, and he never asked. I prepare the budget and I budget in a certain amount of savings each month. Thankfully he's gotten much better and he's managing his own money now, and saving it also.

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 6:22 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • As long as your not saving the money for just you then no I don't think it is. I do it, my hubby doesn't put any money aside so I do. He knows I have it he just doesn't know how much is in there, and he doesn't ask I just told him its for the future. He griped at first but left me alone after I wouldn't budge.

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 2:55 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I only think its okay to go behind their back if it is going to be a good surprise for them. Other than that you really shouldn't. It is really hurtful. My hubby isnt good with money and he agreed to let me take care of finances. If I want to save for something I tell him and let him have a say in it. Say... Dont touch this money! and then dont let him touch it. They really should know where their hard-earned money is going.

    Answer by kat12874 at 6:15 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • I would just make it a mutual agreement where I control the money. No need to hide it.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 6:18 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • i think as long as ur saving the money for u and ur SO life together then its fine but if u were saven the money for ur self then it would be wrong

    Answer by Tinkerbell80 at 6:28 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • Just open up your own account that doesn't have his name on it and tell him "I'm putting money in here for the future". He can't touch it, because it's only in your name. Then you can save money and not have to go behind his back.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:13 PM on Oct. 16, 2010