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how can i communicate with him?

I have a few things that i NEED to discuss with my husband and we used to be really good at communicating... and for the most part still are. there are just a few things that he gets REALLY touchy when we talk about it. I try not to say anything because he doesnt understand what i am trying to say even when i try to explain what i mean. HERES THE TOPIC. i love my husbands parents... but i cant stand to be around them all the time. we see them EVERYDAY.. whether we like it or not. and the biggest problem??? His mom LITERALLY speaks to everyone like they are 6 (or maybe younger) and I cant take it anymore... and his dad is the WORST.. he always has something smart to say.. and is always trying to tell us what we can and cant do. what we do or do not need to do. its annoying.. i cant take being treated like we are children (either by my MIL or my FIL) and his father disrespects me along with my house ALL THE TIME.. CONTINUED

 
Ross2010

Asked by Ross2010 at 8:30 PM on Oct. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think you can say whatever you want to say in your own house. What I don't understand is why your husband continually lets them do so. Don't they realize that you have a right to privacy, especially when it's your house? I don't blame you at all for being resentful. Someone needs to put them in their place. It may have to be you if your husband won't do it. Don't do it at their house though, do it at yours, that way if they don't like it, they can get up and leave. Maybe you just need to spell it out for them.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:17 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • To start, I would have to begin locking my bedroom door. That is MY space (and my dh's lol) and I would go ballistic if someone just strolled in here like they owned it! I think I'd also change the locks on my doors and not give him a key. This is where setting the boundaries would begin. Then when he gives unsolicited advice (like with the puppy) I'd have to say "that's your opinion". I wouldn't sugar coat it, they've been allowed to be disrespectful so long! If your dh won't set the boundaries, you must.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:16 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I'm with amessageofhope. I don't understand why your husband continuously allows this to go on. Your husband is the main problem here because at the end of the day he's allowing it to happen.
    Ashes0813

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 7:31 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • For example.. AS SOON as we were out of the bed this morning his dad was at our house (wanting to do something..) didnt call to ask if we had plans or anythiing.. so i knew my parents were in town and would be out at yard sales.. so i called them and they came by to get me and my daughter and we went to enjoy our day as planned (to go to yard sales.. not with my parents but with the hubby but i am sick of changing my plans for his parents EVERYDAY) so when my parents got here my daughter was playing with my FIL new puppy and my dad asked if she was having fun..she said yes of course.. and i said (as a joke) ..we could have a puppy too ... then so she wouldnt want one RIGHT then added as soon as we find the right one for the family. his dad says Yall dont need a dog.. you couldnt afford it. you dont need a dog?? EXCUSE ME?? (though at the moment i am not able to work.. just came off STRICT bedrest CONTINUED
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 8:38 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • but am still on bedrest with occassional outings..) he has NO right to tell me what i do and do not need. this is just a small case of what i mean. he does it EVERYDAY.. another thing.. he shows up all the time unannounced and expects us to drop our plans for him.. he will walk in my house and move stuff around.. he will walk into MY BEDROOM even though my husband has told him that i do not want him in there. that is my private room.. if we are not home he will still go into our house and do as he pleases. and he will be extremely rude to me (and my hubby most of the time wont say anything to him) he just says this is how dad is. he is rude to everyone.i dont feel like he respects boundaries or the fact that we are a family and want to do things seperate from him.. I have tried to talk to him about these things very calmly but he always gets mad and thinks i dont like his parents. thats not the case. i just want respect
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 8:44 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • Email email him, also just tell him that this is your marriage and your house, you would like to have some privacy. ask him if he would want your parents to be doing the same thing. Tell him that being disrespected adds unwanted stress to your lives an you only ask that his parents respect his house and his marriage.
    emailing him will let you get all your feelings our while telling him that you do like his parents but you need boundries. take away the spare key if he cannot respect your house.. good luck..
    NaiveDream

    Answer by NaiveDream at 8:55 PM on Oct. 16, 2010

  • well you said you are on bedrest so i am assuming you are pregnant? yes they may piss you off but in your condition right now you may need them...bite your tongue a little longer untill you can physically do things for yourself...(free babysitters/grandparents who can watch your kids,and help take care of you may outweigh your current situation ...good luck
    sunflower39346

    Answer by sunflower39346 at 12:50 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I agree with messageofhope
    KimPippin

    Answer by KimPippin at 12:10 PM on Oct. 17, 2010