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How do you go about and start a new life after 34 yrs of verbal/physical abuse from husband and verbal from 30 yr son?

Read my journals-its the same thing for years, never did enough for them, he's always mad, a very bad diabetic who said he wanted to die in his sleep, he left me, I've never been a wife -I've tried everything, we had no communication-he''s passive/aggresive--I'm the rescurer-I'm his mother, slave who is to work and keep mouth shut, be in myroom only every night, given the silent treatment after he talks to every other woman, if I talk to a man he starts making filthy sexual remarks. I'm ashamed, tired, embarrassed,he say's I lie, couldn't cover up this way of life no more- can't believe thatmy family can turn on you and be so evil. Why? He didn't want to go w/when having son 30 yrs ago-mad-no sex , no intimacy, no trust, intimidated me, but now denies any of that. It's me, it's all my fault, he's not taking his antidep/did'n sound meek today like 2 wks ago when he wnted me to take him back-he wanted to wrk w/me, HElp? div hm

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luckylinda605

Asked by luckylinda605 at 2:27 AM on Oct. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • run for the hills. years abuse and you got it right. just go. if he needed or loved you he would respect you. he doesnt so he doesnt deserve to move forward with you
    MoMoFu

    Answer by MoMoFu at 2:31 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • You decide what YOU want and what is GOOD for you. I would contact a domestic violence shelter and ask if they had counseling you could go to and work this out for yourself without him influencing your decision. Life was so much better for me once I left. My son grew up and hated me for leaving and he no longer speaks to me but that's his issue. I did the best I could for him. I know he'll be ok as an adult so I'm enjoying finding myself again and finding peace I didn't have when enduring all that abusive crap. Hopefully you can as well. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you deserve better than what he gave you. Love yourself since he obviously and repeatedly shows he doesn't.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:36 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Get out and stay out, and far away from his manipulation. Start over again slowly, very slowly. Don't be ashamed to get some therapy. It'll make a rough road easier. Even if just a little.
    donnareedonLSD

    Answer by donnareedonLSD at 2:37 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Re-read what you wrote. You want to stay in that, or you want to start an amazing new life, free of abuse? There are many dv groups in cm, join one and spread your wings, its time to fly hon
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 2:37 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I would walk away and live your life the way you want to. Trust me its easier said then done and I know this, there are some great DV groups on here, get the help you need to be free and get on with your life.
    countrygirl06

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 3:00 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Been there. If I could have left, I would have, but circumstances prevented it (my health for one). My daughter is only 19, so I had her to consider as well. I learned how to live separately under the same roof, but that is not for everybody. I had to start by learning how to ignore the abuse, which was not easy. Now we live completely separately, he cooks and cleans for himself (I never did it right, so I quit) and I cook and clean for myself. He does do the grocery shopping for the house, but that was because he didn't like what I bought, thought I spent too much money, etc., so I resigned from that job too and told him to go himself ! After a car accident 5 years ago, I had to sleep on the couch and now that we have moved, I set up my own bedroom too. Even though this works for me, if I could have left and completely started my own life, I would have !! Private message if you want to talk.
    JustMyOpinion22

    Answer by JustMyOpinion22 at 5:54 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Sounds like you need time alone to heal.....are you saying your husband wants to get back together? Don't do it....he's abusive and he's stolen your peace and self-esteem....get away from him....go somewhere else and start over if you can...are you divorced? Get the divorce, then move and don't tell him where you are going.....
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 7:01 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • You have to make yourself leave. I was in a loveless marriage for 16 years and finally decided that I was worth more than that and walked away. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but well worth it. You have to just do it and don't look back. Find a support group or therapist that will help you understand that you are a good person and worthy of loving yourself and being loved in return. Even if you don't find someone else, you don't need a man in your life to be happy. Find it in yourself to love yourself and know that you can have a good life on your own. Best of luck to you, I hope that you can find the strength to get out of that situation.
    KimPippin

    Answer by KimPippin at 11:27 AM on Oct. 17, 2010

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