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How does my husband go about talking to his mother about this?

I am three months pregnant with our first child and we announced to everyone at about 10 weeks after I went to see the doctor. We're very excited!
I have a decent relationship with my in-laws, however they live about six hours away so we don't seem them much. My parents live about three hours away and they visit pretty often/when they can. I'm VERY close to my mother and my husband is very close to my dad.
I've decided I want my mom to help me after the baby is born. I know she will definitely help me around the house , with meals and will be awesome with anything dealing with the baby. I'm also a private person. We agreed that we didn't want a house full of people directly after the baby is here. His mom, stepfather, and dad will want to drive up as soon as they can. How does he NICELY talk to his mother about this of what we would prefer and that a hotel is better option without hurting her feelings? Any advice, please

Answer Question

Asked by SCrom at 1:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • honey she needs to just be gently reminded of what its like in the days and weeks after giving birth for a woman. that you need some space and not a house full of people you will feel beholden to clean up after, entertain etc. I think being firm and polite that this is YOUR time and your newborns time and that you cannot have a house ful of people right now. not to mention its not healthy for a newborn to have that many people around day in and out like that.

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 1:34 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • They only way to tell her is to just be honest with her. If a big deal gets made out of it then maybe both mothers should stay at a hotel or maybe somebody can buy an air mattress for your dh's mother.

    Answer by ladyambition at 1:42 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Well, there is more backstory/history than the question space would allow me. I'm not trying to be selfish or bar anyone from seeing their grandchild. I know they're excited and I'm glad they're coming but I want my space at the same time. I am favoring my mother because she is MY mother. I'm most comfortable with her. My MIL can be VERY passive aggressive and dramatic. We get along but I prefer some space.
    Any positive advice, please?

    Comment by SCrom (original poster) at 1:27 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • And...we have one guest room. The second was turned into a nursery.

    Comment by SCrom (original poster) at 1:29 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Just be honest.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:11 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Maybe they could come up and stay at the house while you are in the hospital so they can vist their grandbaby, but leave by the time you and the baby are ready to come home. Then maybe they could come back again after your all settled in and feeling more comfortable.

    Answer by skittles1108 at 1:14 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • my opinion is it seems your favoring your parents and not his.. i think no matter how you try to tell them they will be hurt. Why is it that your parents can come and stay at your house and his can't? that to me just sounds very rude. sounds like they just want to be good grandparents and help and be there for you guys. Maybe you guys can foot the bill for the hotel since you don't want a house full of people. Maybe i'm just different i would be greatful for the help and the love that a new baby brings.

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 1:21 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

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