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11 Bumps

How do I get past this? adult content

I am about 32 weeks pregnant. I love my husband and my other two children. But I do NOT want this child. I feel absolutely nothing for her. They on the other hand are all super excited that there is going to be another baby. I looked in to abortion when I found out I was pregnant but my financial situation and the fact that I knew my DH wouldn't agree led me to keep the baby. I honestly thought I would get past my not wanting another child and by the time she was hear I would know I made the right choice... But at 32 weeks, I wish I had chosen differently. I don't think I will ever love her, I don't think I have it in me. All I see is problems in our future over this. My DH lost his job & we have no income, my oldest is "special needs" and my youngest is really my baby boy, he's the reason I get up every day... Now I feel like there is going to be this huge burden dropped in the middle to create more issues in our lives...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (43)
  • I want so hard to get past this feeling and love my child. I feel like the worlds worst mother and wife and don't know what to do. Don't know where to turn... Adoption is out of the options because my DH is so super excited about another child... So either I figure out how to get past this or I loose everything - my husband, my other children, everything...

    What do I do? Where do I go for help?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:11 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • seek help. therapy. Not that its not normal, women go through this, but if this baby is born and you still feel zero bond to her, and you dont want to care for her, then you probably have PPD and need to find help. PPD can start DURING pregnancy.
    wendy46121

    Answer by wendy46121 at 6:12 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • See a psychiatrist. It sounds like you have some deeper issues. It's kind of sad that you refer to your oldest as being special needs and your middle son as your reason for getting up every day. You should love them equally and that statement tells me you resent your special needs child. I'm sorry you're in this situation but I'm more sorry for your children.
    silversmom

    Answer by silversmom at 6:13 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I think if your DH knew these things he'd consider adoption. Like semi open, perhaps.

    Read him what you wrote here. Be brutally honest
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 6:13 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Where you go for help is your OB/GYN. Next visit TELL them this!! they will help you find the right help.
    silversmom

    Answer by silversmom at 6:14 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I don't think a therapist will do anything right now but waste precious time. Unless of course you hook up with a large adoption agency, as most have counseling there. Take your husband with.

    I think it sounds like ur being responsible and mature and honest.... diapers don't buy themselves. And a man with no job who is excited about a new baby needs a reality check asap.
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 6:15 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I never bonded with either of my other children until after they were born, with my oldest I had PPD so bad I actually was a danger to us both... I don't want to risk that with this one. I never fully bonded with my oldest and I think that adds to his issues, he suffers with depression and anxiety - and he's only 4. I feel like a prisoner in my own home and now with this pregnancy I've been so sick and so tired there is nothing I can even do to feel normal. Just going to the bathroom seems like a marathon...

    I have BiPolar Disorder, but my insurance won't cover mental health, it only covers the pregnancy and with no income I can't make the rent let alone doctor bills.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:17 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • You need to get some counseling BEFORE this baby comes! See if there is a crisis pregnancy center or women's health center in your area that could help you. You aren't a bad mom/wife for these feelings, but you will be if you don't deal with them. I know what it feels like to not want your baby. I felt that way with my second even up to 38 weeks..but I got the help I needed and then grew up. This child is my responsibility and deserves my love and care..not my resentment. I ADORE my baby girl now and would never change a thing. Try to get excited about this new addition...and remember you are also hormonal and stressed. That can makes things seem worse than they really are. PM me if you need to chat more.
    tobys.mommy

    Answer by tobys.mommy at 6:17 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • silversmom, I kind of have to disagree with your advice. The ob-gyn (depending on the words she uses when discussing the situation) may be inclined to "report her" therefore creating more trouble, drama, problems, depression, stress. The baby is loved and wanted..... by other members of the family. It would be a burden but not necessarily at risk for abuse/neglect esp. with a doting father/siblings around.

    Don't let yourself become permanently labeled as depressed. It's a clinical label that will haunt and follow you forever. Being sad and un-bonded with a baby is not depression. Goto barnes and nobel there must be 400 books on the matter
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 6:21 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • i was like that with my youngest son I even did adoption and after one week got him back. I did not want him but after i had him my mind change and now he puts a smile on my face.
    lovelypisces

    Answer by lovelypisces at 6:23 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

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