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How would you feel in this situation? What would you say and do?

If you had a child and the bio father wanted nothing to do with her. Even in court for child support he tells this top the judge. Then almost 10 yrs later when she decides she wants to contact him, he wants something to do with her. He tells her mother that his wife can't find out about it him wanting to see her and talk to her so he does not lose her or there children they have together. His wife knows about this child and has since she was born. As this mothers child what would you say or do? Also this child has known about him for a little over a year. She never once said he is her dad. She says the man that raised her from 6mths of age is her dad, but she of course finally wants to get to know her bio dad. This man has even adopted his wife's child less then 8 yrs ago. I will answer all questions and add more if need be.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Oct. 17, 2010 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I confused by the wording in the question BUT I have gathered enough to know I'd have this much to say to this man:

    If you want to be a part of her life you will do so proudly. You will not treat this beautiful little girl as your dirty little secret. Things have been going just fine without you, and will continue to be fine should you not be a part of her life. The damage you will do to her psyche by making her feel like she is something you are ashamed of is impermissible. Either you're finally willing to be a man and a father or you're not. There is no in between.

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:07 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • i agree 100% with beckcorc, if he wants to be part of her life...then he can't keep her a dirty little secret. if he's not honest, she will get hurt.

    Answer by nickellmomof2 at 9:25 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I would be pissed, and probably (of course this is going off of the litte info that you left) would tell bio dad that if he wants to be in your dd's life he has to be honest with his current family. I would NOT put my kid in that situation, to where she is bound to secrecy. Protect your daughter first and foremost!

    Answer by Aingls at 8:58 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Here is all I can say to this... I did not have the option to meet my father, I wanted to, I looked for him... Neither he nor my mother wanted us to meet when I was young. But later in life he wanted to meet me and my mother stepped in and refused to allow it. I found him only after he passed away and I will never regret not finding him sooner, not looking harder... If this were my child, I would NEVER deny her access to her father, I don't care if it had been 10 years, 15 years or more... He made mistakes, yes. But if he wants to be in her life now, she deserves for him to be there...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:58 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • i think its disgusting how he wants to HIDE his daughter and no real men or father would ever do this...and if his trick knows about his child she must be a real dirty bitch to come between a child and HER FATHER...i would tell my daughter everything give her the whole picture and have her pick what she wants to do...i would build my child confident lever over the roof to make her know that if someone does NOT want to be in her life it's fine it just means that she is too good for that person...even if it was her own bio dad...

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 9:02 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • the onlything thats going to happen is that that child is going to end up hurt...when he abandoned her the 1st time she was a baby and could not feel the pain...but when he does it again (cuz we all know he would) then it's going to be hard and it can affect her...his dirty bitch might find out and prevent him and he will take her side...and the one losing then will be the child cuz she wanted and got abandon again...DON'T LET HIM HURT HER...

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 9:04 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I am trying to figure out the age of the child. If it is 10, she should not be subjected to this. How old is she?

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:07 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • this makes me so mad...mama have you thought about working with a counselor on this??? and maybe finding the trick his with and talking to her woman to woman (she is not a woman but whatever)...cuz SHE IS THE PROBLEM BEHIND has to be here maybe he would had still sucked ass but i have a feeling it has a lot to do with kids father was great till he got married...thats why with my stepdaughter i go out of my way for her to help her and everything...

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 9:15 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Honestly, I would be concerned why, after almost 10 years, he finally wants to be in her life. I would also be VERY suspicious about him wanting to keep it a secret from his new wife, especially if she already knows about the child. Just seems really fishy to me. Could be I am projecting since my bio father was a child molester, but you can never be too careful.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 9:45 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • I have a daughter that when she was 3 yrs old that her dad left us and she wanted to know why. I kept it simple and told her "daddy doesn't want to be with us anymore." She never said anything else. She formed her own opinion over the years. He tried to come back in her life two or three times and wound up leaving her again. It wouldn't be fair for him to decide one day that he wanted to be a part of her life only to turn his back on her again. Since he doesn't want his wife to find out about it, there is always a chance that he might not want to be in her life again. I can't say whether it's right or wrong. But in case it does happen, be sure to be there for her in the event that he can't be there for her again.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:46 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

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