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LONG.. but please help!!

I love my husband sooo very much.. and he loves me. here recently though we just cant seem to get along.. it started a while back when it got closer to our wedding.. his mom would say i want to help do this and that and this blah blah blah.. and it got on my nerves bc when it came time to do it..she was always somehow confused of what was going on and what she needed to do and my mom and aunts ended up doing it ALL.. when she would say she wanted to.. she never even attempted.. would go WEEKS without mentioning it and then ask what was going on with it and then when we would tell her .. she would say well we need to get that done and stop wasting time.. SERIOUSLY.. ok so i let it go.. wedding stress right?? WRONG after the wedding her and my FIL out of the blue said they were going to give my parents some money bc they didnt feel like they did anything to help with the wedding (or rehearsal) well guess what?? ALL TALK.. CONT

 
Ross2010

Asked by Ross2010 at 10:22 PM on Oct. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • OK that sounds like way to much drama. Is your hubby still connected to his mom, like were they close before the two of you. His mother may feel left out now. She does need to get over it if that is the problem and realize the two of you need to start on your marriage and build it without added influences. They( the in laws) need to understand you two need to build your marriage as a couple not a couple plus two. Make your hubby realize that is why you got married in the first place to give to each other like no one else can. Maybe woman to woman have a conversation with his mom and explain that you love her son and you want the best for him as well. Good Luck!
    allmomma

    Answer by allmomma at 11:27 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • You need to talk with him about you two setting some "boundries" with the in-laws. Make it manditory for them to call first before showing up. Let them know that you aren't trying to keep away from them, but that you need some notice before they show up and that you and hubby need some "personal" time. If possible, I'd go on a vacation with your hubby to get a break from it all and try to "spark" something with him. Good luck!
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 10:32 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Will your husband put his foot down to his parents? Because this needs to come from him. does he see a problem with them or does he feel them coming over every day is okay? Can you arrange to not be home if they come over at the same time? Maybe go out to eat together before they show up? I like the idea of going away and trying to start over but if he isn't willing to set boundaries for them I think you will end up back where you started. How about a counselor or minister?
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 10:42 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • You know what, if your husband isn't going to stand up to them why don't you do it? Give them a list of "House Rules": 1. Call before coming over, 2. no dropping by during the week, 3. no snooping through my stuff etc.
    Your husband will probably be ticked off for awhile but what else do you have to lose. He's letting his parents destroy your marriage and your sanity. It's time to take action.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 1:02 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • they said it once but never made attempt to do it.. and i am not going to ask about it.. ok on past that.. my fil has always been a smart ass.. but it has gotten worse lately.. and i cant take it anymore.. we HAVE to see them everyday(whether we like it or not bc they will just show up. no phone call or nothing.. and expect us to drop our plans) and everyday he says something smart.. tells us what we should be doing or what we dont need to do.. his mom is DRAMATIC to say the least.. everything is a drama story (ex.. she cried bc her sisters got into an argument over TOILET PAPER and said she feels like it was her fault.. seriously??) so i get sick of seeing them EVERYDAY and i cant really hide my emotions to well.. and when they piss me off i might not say anything but my face could say ALOT for me.. i try to hide it but its not easy.. and then of course his mom starts to get her feelings hurt.. anyway his parents CONT
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 10:26 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • have came between us something serious... and since the whole thing started we argue so much.. we barely speak and we dont ever do anything with just him and I. i love him soo much.. and i dont know what to do to get our relationship back to where it was.. where i can have my cool, sweet, charming, funny husband back.. and not some bitter man walking around my house.. :( i am soo upset and dont knwo what to do
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 10:28 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • Talk to them Communication is the key... could end badly though... my MIL wont talk to me lol
    KKline

    Answer by KKline at 11:31 PM on Oct. 17, 2010

  • haha that is too funny! i made a list last week... House rules and Family Rules...
    House Rules:
    1.This is NOT your house or your belongings.. Please do NOT snoop in our things
    2.At NO point should you enter our bedroom unless invited
    3.Do NOT just show up, please call ahead of time
    4.If no one is home, do not let yourself in
    5.If you do not like something, do not feel free to tell us what we should do. If it bothers you too much you are welcome to leave.
    Family Rules:
    1.Husband, Wife, Child, & Child - are # 1 in out life, NOT you. we love you but we are a family on our own and take care of our needs first.
    2.Again, we are a family of our own, do not ASSUME we do not have plans of our own and plan our day for us, or thrust your plans into our day.
    3.If at some point you feel it is necessary to insert your 2 cents int our personal conversations,remarks,or arguments. REFRAIN. It is NOT your business...
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 6:41 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • i just havent spoken with my husband/in-laws about them bc 1. my Husband will know this is directed toward his parents actions and be mad.. and I am afraid of more tension between us... and 2 bc my in laws will of course get their feelings hurt and once again bring tension btw my husband and I.... but i guess either way there will be tension and will not get any better if i just sit back and let them continue to act this way
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 6:43 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

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