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How do you start where you left off at home after a recent deployment? or do /you

I have just had my dh return from a recent deployment from Afghanistan and am finding myself frustrated with the lack of communication. We did not see eye to eye about everything before he left but he talked like when he came home it would be more like a 2nd honeymoon. Well? It isn't happening like that. He is acting depressed and anxious as well as wants to be with others more than with me. We cannot seem to get along. We have 3 children 5, 3, and almost 9 months. I need some help finding reasons and means to cope with it all. It hasn't been easy this past year but who is he that returns home??

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Asked by NGhuband3kids at 12:05 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • I wonder about all the awful things he saw while away? Mayb plan family outings make him talk to you ask him questions mayb he's depressed seriously in which case he needs councelling

    Answer by luschram at 12:17 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Call Military One Source they can get you counseling for free (6 sessions.) That is how I felt when hubby came home from Iraq and the counseling helped a lot.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 12:34 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • This is common! He may need counselling. This is a very hard time for everyone. (I have been though the same thing with my husband) It's easier for him to be with people that understand what he has been through. Most of these guys come home with PTSD, whether they admit it or not. It is gonna take time and patience on your part. Things aren't just going to fall back into place, it takes work. And he needs time to feel safe again. In the town we live in there is a fire siren that you can hear all over town. It's been 3 years and my husband STILL cringes because it sounds so much like the mortar alarm. Just be kind and patient. But on the same side of the coin, don't take any crap either!


    Answer by evilabbysmom at 12:36 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I know that this has got to be a hard time for you. I got out of the millitary just a couple years ago and I was deployed over there when I was in. A lot happins over there that people in don't want to talk about. I know that it's not easy but let him know that you are there and when he is ready to talk to you that you will be there to listen. this helps a lot. untill then hang in there and lett him know that you need to spend some time with him too. it's going to take some time for things to get back to kinda how they were. maybe set up kinda like a date night where you two go out just you two and take turns doing things you like to do. just keep in mind of things that have a lot of loud noises that could be simalar to bombs or warning systems.

    Answer by orion618 at 1:00 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • When my DH came home after a deployment things were tense, I felt like we were getting to know each other all over again. He saw things that were awful, he had nightmares about it. He was a little withdrawn and hard to get along with. A "honeymoon" it wasn't! Just try to be patient as he slips back into the "real" world. If you bring it up, try to do it calmly. It won't be long and you'll be comfortable again. GL

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:38 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

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