Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

who is the "primary caregiver"?

My husband and I were having a friendly debate it was about custody in the event of a divorce.
I say a judge would grant me custody because I have, for 6 years taken care of our son, 100% of the time, I have done everything for him my husband does nothing but bring in the money.
Because he brings in the money he says he is the primary caregiver, I tried really hard to not laugh at this, lol, but he feels the parent bringing in the money is providing cash for the family to eat, be warm and wear nice things and have a roof over their head, therefore he is the primary caregiver.
He was so serious that I didn't want to tell him that I would get our son hands down and child support.


Asked by wheresthewayout at 12:11 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 29 (39,885 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Although money can come into play in a custody case, or a father to get custody over the mother, is an event that usually only happens when the mother is proven either drug, alcohol, some form of child abuse, things of that nature. Even then it is usually a concern of the court to try and reunited mother and child. When I think of the word caregiver, I think of the person that provides that care. Such as changing diapers, feeding the child, bathing the child, playing with the child, etc. etc. Not the person who provides the money. That would be the breadwinner. So yes I agree with you. Your husband is wrong. LOL and I hope for your sake you guys never have to go through that. My fiance and I had a similar discussion and I realized that we can NEVER divorce because it would be a huge custody battle over our son.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:25 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • LOL! He obviously doesn't have any friends who pay child support, does he? =P

    Answer by karamille at 12:14 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Yeah, he's way wrong. Judges will almost exclusively rule for the mom, unless there is abuse present. The fact that you are a sahm would mean you would get his money.

    He should google it.

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:15 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I agree with lovingangels. The court will not remove a child from the mother unless there is proof of abuse, neglect or she is unfit. Not only will you get child support but spousal support if you need it. and as far as the "primary caregiver" he is totally wrong if he thinks that is him. YOU are the primary caregiver.

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 12:18 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • The person who takes care of the child, which is me... and he knows i would get her if he divorced me

    Answer by KKline at 12:29 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Money does not make a parent....

    Answer by Librarylady60 at 1:45 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Sounds like he is mixing up "caregiver" and "breadwinner" Tell him to go look them both up. The primary caregiver is the one who changes the most diapers.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 11:26 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Wow. Ya'll really appreciate your husbands, don't you?


    Answer by Fawn80 at 12:33 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I divorced my first husband years ago and got custody hands down because I was a sahm to the 1st 3 and the judge even said that since I was primary caregiver there was no chance he would decide against me having the kids...and yeah he has no friends paying child support, lol

    Comment by wheresthewayout (original poster) at 12:19 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Exactly! but to my husband he thinks he is a great dad because he makes the money, hell he even thinks I should be out tossing the ball to our son..... because he worked all day

    Comment by wheresthewayout (original poster) at 2:01 AM on Oct. 18, 2010