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3 Bumps

why do only I have to accept it and get over it?

My husband keeps telling me to accept people for how they are (people as in his parents.. his dad is extremely rude and both his parents are overly dramatic and ALWAY crossing personal and privacy boundaries) .. but i feel as if I should bend and they should bend.. its really hard for me to bend especially when they cross privacy boundaries even after being asked not to when they will not bend and respect me for who I am .. i dont think being rude all the time is ok.. but i should accept it instead of his dad stop being so rude? i dont like people snooping in my belongings but i should accept it bc its not a big deal to them instead of them respecting my boundaries???

 
Ross2010

Asked by Ross2010 at 12:34 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • You should not have to bend. If your husband wants to accept it then that is on him. You on the other hand have a right to your privacy and not put up with rudeness. If they are snooping in what they shouldn't then make your point by getting a locked box (depending on what it is) and make it difficult for them to just go through your things. If mr. rude has something to say reply in a polite but stern manner that what do with your things is none of his damn business. Your personal business you may have to limit certain discussions with your hubby for a while if he is telling them. That way he will get the message as well not to share your private lives. You may have to avoid them as much as you can as well. Good luck
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 12:45 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • i hear you all the way my sibilings have done this to me all my life so i just stop having them in my life best way is just walk away from rude people you don't have to talk to them and if hubby not helping out ask your mom to come over when they are around that should put a stop to it
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 12:39 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Wow, if I ever found anyone going through my personal things I think I would flip my lid! They have no right to do that, ever. What you need most in this situation is support from your DH, they're obviously not listening to you when you tell them to butt out, but they might listen to him. If they won't listen to them I would change the locks and make sure that they never get a key, there's no reason for them to even be there without your ok. One thing you can try (if hubby will go along with it) is to have a night for just your family (you, DH and the kids) and once a week (or every two weeks) have some time with the in-laws. If that doesn't work and DH isn't supportive, tell him it's either you or the constant intrusion by his parents (although I wouldn't word it as "it's me or them" because that wouldn't be fair).
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 12:58 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • no not living in their house.. we live like 5 min away and have to see them everyday.. i am a stubborn one.. i will admit bc when i just read your "his parents are NOT going to change" my first thought was.. well neither will I... i just cant imagine laying down and letting them run all over me... if they gave some i would.. ya know??
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 12:44 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • what do you mean i am doing the same things they are? I am not snooping through their belongings.. I am not rude all the time. the only thing i wont bend on is the fact that privacy is something you should respect... regardless if you think is should be private or not. if someone else thinks something is personal you should respect that boundary.. they have been asked over and over NOT to do it.. yet they continue to. the only thing i am asking is why should I accept their rudeness if they cant accept my modesty??
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 6:29 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Are you living in their house? I agree that some privacy boundaries should not be crossed - no one should go through your belongings. I would agree that you should have a talk with them about that.

    On the other hand, however... your husband's parents have always been there and you are a newer addition to his life. I agree that you do have your rights and they should be respecting your boundaries, but you have to take the good with the bad and suck it up, because I can tell you right now - his parents are NOT going to change.
    WomanWitty

    Answer by WomanWitty at 12:41 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • So basically you are doing the same thing they are.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 10:15 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

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