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Parents who adopted, are you happy you did? What was the first moment when you laid eyes on your child like?

I was adopted, and i was wondering...

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KKline

Asked by KKline at 1:14 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in Adoption

Level 13 (1,291 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • We adopted internationally, so we didn't see our dd's picture until the day after we got the call. When we saw her picture we looked at each other and said " we're in trouble when she's 13..." She was gorgeous and in the picture we think she was 12 months old and had a shaved head. We didn't meet her for another 2 months. Our flight left the US on 3/29/07 and we landed in Beijing on 3/30/07. Our daughter Lilly was taken to Guanzhou China on 4/3/07 for us to meet her.
    When they called our names, we walked to the facilitator and an ayi came up to us holding a very quiet, stoic little girl. She immediately went to her daddy and I bawled my eyes out in. We finally had our baby girl...well, she is no longer quiet! LOL
    That little girl is now going to be 5 in 2 weeks and is a gem. Everybody wants to be her friend, her teachers love her, and the family is head over heels in love as well..her baby sister adores her as do we. :-)
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 7:00 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • very good question. I think to answer honestly, I can tell you that now I am so afraid of how I fiercely love my child. How intense that feels and how scared sometimes you can be for someone when you love them. A different kind of love when it is a child. But going back to that honest piece.....I love him more now today than on the day he was placed in our arms as our son. I was over the moon happy to be a mother but "in love" with that specific child? I didn't know his interests, his personalities, his likes, dislikes ect.... It hit me one day that I would literally die for my child - I would rather be dead than live with out him hear. I would switch places with him to save his life. Of course life does not work that way and so that is why it is so scary. The thought of one day something bad could happen. But I don't think I would have died for him the first few months of his life.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:14 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I worried about his health, panicked at his asthma...didn't want to him to be hurt or die. But it is a different type of love. Deeper now. While I would have said, and did say, I "love" my child when he was an infant - I didn't know what that really meant. Now I know what that means and can honestly say that while love is wonderful it is also very scary. I believe other mothers feel the same way about their children. I can't tell you when that light bulb moment came over me that I realized how much of my every fiber of my being was devoted to this specific kid - only that over time he became a part of me in a way no one else has even been.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:23 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • There are not enough words to say just how blessed and how happy I am that I adopted. The first moment I laid eyes on my son, my heart melted and I literally cried. He is my heart, and my beautiful little angel.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 12:44 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • OMG! The BEST thing we EVER did! i can't believe I am saying this but I am SOOOO glad we couldn't get pregnant. Our son is the love of our lives and could not possibly imagine loving anyone any more! When we first saw him he was a week old...he was ADORABLE and our hearts melted...Mom had not made up her mind 100% so we help back a little but LOVED him soo much!
    coolchic320

    Answer by coolchic320 at 1:47 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Yes I'm happy we did. Our son is our world and really, I can't remember what our lives were like before he came along. I do remember we got more sleep. We were at the hospital when he was born, his BM wanted us to be the first to hold him and we were. We were allowed in the nursery while he was measured and weighed and cleaned up. All I wanted to do was hold him and comfort him because he was crying from all of the commotion. I remember the anxiety I felt as I stood there watching the nurses do their job and listening to him cry, it made me crazy, he needed to be held and loved. When I was able to hold him it was amazing and really it was not without mixed emotions. I had waited for years to be a mom so my heart was full, I couldn't stop thinking about his BM and what emotions or feelings she was having so my heart was also breaking. I was worried about her. The mom in me, that had always been in me was more concerned with her
    The3Vs

    Answer by The3Vs at 4:26 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • However, I fell in love with him instantly, my instincts kicked in immediately. I worry that I'm to overprotective, I worry that he'll get hurt, I worry when he's sick. I have all of the same worries that I would have if I had actually carried him. But I do always think about his BP. Even though they say they're ok emotionally, I still wonder if they really are, I hope they are. I worry about my son because I know that many adopted children have issues with being adopted. I hope I can be there for him and explain things to him in a way that will allow him to be well adjusted but I don't know that I can. I struggle with that. I hope to get advice from people who have lived it so that I can use that information in order to benefit him. He will have an amazing life, he is loved by our entire family. He's a precious blessing that we are so Thankful for and I say that every single day that I look at his sweet little angel face.
    The3Vs

    Answer by The3Vs at 4:33 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • i can offer advice on that.. my mother sat me down one night during story time, and told me my story.. she told me in such a way, that my mother loved me and how hard a choice it was for her.. etc.. it worked, i have no resentment towards my bm.. and i left it up to her to find me if she wanted to. i do not wish for her to hurt if she doesn't need to. i realize how hard a choice it was for her. My mother told me things like she enjoyed drawing animals.. (i was an art major, and at that point loved animals and drawing..) so she chose things to help me feel close to her, which i am sure was also hard form my AM. I got so terribly lucky to get the parents i did, and in my life, they are my parents blood or not.
    KKline

    Comment by KKline (original poster) at 4:44 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • kkline, thank you for that. I hope that I can do as great of a job as your AM did. He will know the truth, he will know that she loved him and that it was very hard for her. Before he was born, I asked her what she thought about him finding her when he got older. She said that she hoped that he was so loved that he would never have the desire to find her. I thought that was pretty powerful. I do understand that even though he will be incredibly loved he may still be curious and I'm ok with that. Adoption is often bitter sweet. I talk openly about it around him but he's still young. When he's able to understand I will have that conversation with him. It's interesting that you mention art and your love/connection with it as it relates to your BM. His BP were very musical. My son loves music, not really the singing but the melodies and notes. I encourage it and nurture it. I'm sure this is something he will always connect with.
    The3Vs

    Answer by The3Vs at 4:58 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I had the desire when i was going through the "rebellious" teenage phase.. i even remember saying to my mother "you are not my real mother" which tears me up even now thinking that i did that.. she promptly went and cried alone in her room... i was a horrible person. then again.. all teenagers are. i spoke to my godfather about wanting to try to find my mother (not my father, he wouldn't even sign the birth cert so yea.. ) he told me my reasons were superficial and i need to think harder about that.. and i did.. and he was right.. i had everything i wanted..
    KKline

    Comment by KKline (original poster) at 5:04 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

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