Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

how can i help my toddler to deal with visitations, going back and forth with her father and me?

Answer Question
 
EMEmom75

Asked by EMEmom75 at 1:57 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 5 (59 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • A bit vague. Mind explaining it a little more?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Yeah I guess my first question would be what is the relationship like with you and your childs Father, is it amicable, can you work together on it for your child, or is it messy?
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 2:06 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • With the info you've provided with just initial question I can say that it won't be too hard if you and the father are on good terms and truly working together - it will feel more like having twice the fun and twice toys and twice the love between two homes. If there is any animosity and you are unable to work together for your child's sake on everything, it will come out at some point and she will feel it one way or the other. I have a 15 y.o. who has struggled considerably b/c at some point I realized that although I hated her father and argued with him constantly about her I was determined to make sure she didn't feel the animosity between he and I. He on the other hand was determined to be her favorite parent so he undermined everything I did and said and she became a very confused little girl as a result. It still shows up in many aspects of her life to this day and I worry about her future b/c of it. It depends on u guys
    shawnelizabeth

    Answer by shawnelizabeth at 2:28 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Me and my daughters father trying to be polite to each other, had few disagreements, but always on the phone, never face to face. Its hard for me to talk to him without getting my anger and resentments towards him coming out about how things ended up with us.

    EMEmom75

    Comment by EMEmom75 (original poster) at 2:29 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • First off, you have to set aside whatever is going on between you and the ex anytime she is anywhere in the vicinity, because she feeds off of your energy. Second make it a big deal that she gets to go see Daddy! If you act like its a good thing she will agree.
    BigfordBrat

    Answer by BigfordBrat at 3:22 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • You both have to try to put your feelings about eachother to the side, this is about your daughter, not you or him. I think even though its hard for you to talk with him you need to have a sit down with him alone and explain you dont want your daughter in the middle of anything that goes on btw the two of you, and you should both commit to eachother about NO bad mouthing of the other parent in front of your daughter by either of you or anyone who is around your daughter be it his family or yours...this is SOOOO important, if you can agree on that and stick to it that will make the world of difference for your child. If your still finding dealing with the way things ended with you and him, limit seeing him and contact as much as possible, only when you need to for your daughter, I hope things get easier with time.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 3:51 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I'd marry my daughter's father/Ex-husband again, just so I could divorce him again. lol! that's how much I dislike him, & that was 32 yrs ago. I left him when our daughter was 18 mo's old, & was awarded full custody. Her dad paid support faithfully (remember, this was before it was taken out of paychecks by court order) & had regular visitation. when she became more aware of what was going on, I always made the idea of seeing her dad seem like a special day she had to look forward to. I'd ask her what she wanted to do with Dad, & she'd have me make a list of things her & her dad could do together; you get the picture. I made her feel like it was a fun adventure, & for her it was. One thing I never did was bad-mouth her dad to her, nor argue with him in front of her. On holidays like xmas or her b-day, I would get excited & happy for her getting to have 2 b-day parties, 2 xmas trees, 2 visits from Santa etc.
    RubyinPA

    Answer by RubyinPA at 6:24 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • First off, you have to set aside whatever is going on between you and the ex anytime she is anywhere in the vicinity, because she feeds off of your energy. Second make it a big deal that she gets to go see Daddy! If you act like its a good thing she will agree.
    ---
    Yup, this.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:12 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN