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Introducing child and boyfriend...

Need all the advice I can get. Have a great relationship with son until recently. You see, mom, who has been away from daddy for 2 years, divorced for one, has a boyfriend. As if it wasn't bad enough, boyfriend is younger by quite a bit. I've talked and talked to my son, and then last night, with my boyfriend present, out of nowhere, he shouted "I want you and me and daddy all together!" Even daddy himself is more supportive in trying to smooth this over than my son is. Any advice appriciated.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (7)
  • He is feeling threatened by this person and wants his old family back. This person is making his dream of his old family less and less possible.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:29 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I wish you luck with this. Blending families can be a pretty rough ordeal on the children, especially when they are old enough to remember mommy and daddy together. Thankfully, we never had to go through this like you are, but on a smaller scale. My stepdaughters were almost 2 and six months when their father and I started dating, and don't remember anything but Daddy and Suzi being together. BUT, they did have questions about whey their parents weren't together anymore once they got older. DH told them that he and their mother loved them both very much, but that they didn't really get along very well and wanted them to grow up with happy parents and they weren't happy together. Just be sure to try and make your son feel extra loved, and don't try and push your bf on his as his dad. I'm not saying you are doing that, I'm just trying to caution you against it.

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 9:38 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • you need to explain to him that your family has changed, that it will never be the same as it was, but that change is okay and sometimes important for people to get where they need to be in life. emphasize that you and daddy are always going to be mommy and daddy to him, but there will be other people who come in his life to love him as well as mommy/daddy. avoid saying things about your happiness because at this age, kids are very self focused and eventhough he wants mommy happy, he isnt able to get past the fact that he is not. if your ex is up for it, have him and your boyfriend do something together with your son, even if its just going for a happymeal, and have your ex explain that the boyfriend is a good guy and it's okay for mom to be with someone other than dad...alot of times the kid feels like they need daddy's blessing to let a new man in their lives.

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 9:49 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Give it some time, and don't force anything. We took things slow and I thought it worked out well. My step-daughter recently told me that even though she liked me, and we never had a problem, she always wished that her parents would get back together, and even on the day she was married, she wished that. It took until she was divorced until she really accepted our relationship.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 11:57 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Don't force the man on your child or you're in for a life-long world of hurt. Is this man really more important than your son? I hope not.

    Answer by Pnukey at 10:02 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Back off and slow it down with the BF. If you must see him only see him when your son is at his dad's. When your son is with you, let it just be the two of you. He needs you right now.

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 1:57 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

  • Dear Pnukey, please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm hightly offended by your response. So I am supposed to DUMP my boyfriend because it makes my son upset? I can't live my entire life for my son. Yes, he matters, but it's unfair for you to ask me to choose between having a love life and having my son. Furthermore, by not dating and becoming nothing more than a mom-bot, I am feeding his delusions that mommy and daddy are indeed going to reunite.

    Answer by LazyMistake at 3:17 AM on Oct. 25, 2010

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