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QUESTION ABOUT AUTISM

I hope I don't offend anyone I am just trying to learn and understand and I figured asking those that live with it is the best way. I have a few questions.
1.) Can a person with autism learn? I mean if they hit and you correct them with they understand hitting is bad or not allowed?
2.)At 25 if the person can work, drive, drink, party, date, do everything for themself that a non autistic person can could they understand what disrespect it esps when pointed out?
I ask because my BIL is "high funtcioning autistic" he was dignosed at 17 (I think maybe 16) and he pokes & makes fists at my kids, he refuses to respect me in my home. He talks nasty about women in front of my kids, curses, smokes & drinks & many other things...His mom is mad that I want to ask him to curve his behavior around my boys she thinks it's unnacceptable .Please mommies advice is needed!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • wow if he is that high funcationing than yes he can learn to curb himself around your children......my advise it talk to him in a calm manor alone with out distraction....and explain it very matter a factly.....good luck
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:12 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Even some of the absolute most severe cases CAN be taught what is an is not acceptable behavior. Your MIL is making excuses.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 10:21 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • 1.) Can a person with autism learn? I mean if they hit and you correct them with they understand hitting is bad or not allowed?  Yes they can learn, but you have to modify the way you teach it. Empathy is a hard thing to teach. and eve if he is older you are going to have to teach as you would a child.


    2.)At 25 if the person can work, drive, drink, party, date, do everything for themself that a non autistic person can could they understand what disrespect it esps when pointed out?  Understanding disrespect is a bit harder as it too involves empathy. You have to understand they are very literal thinkers so choose words carefully.

    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 10:25 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Yes he can learn! he can also learn consequences......sounds like his mom has let him get away with some bad behaviors over the years.....my 11 year old daughter has aspergers and she gets time outs and stuff taken away, her behavior has improved greatly over the years.
    michaux

    Answer by michaux at 10:32 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Well yes people living with autism can learn. It sounds like your MIL is trying to protect her baby and excuse his behavior. It doesn't matter why she is protecting him. It only matters that thsi si not appropriate behavior in your home. There are adults, living with more severe cognitive issues, who are violent. You wouldn't allow them to be around your children. So you have to do what you need to do to protect your family and your children. Your MIL has no control over that. Perhaps when he is no longer welcome in anyone's home except his mother's - then maybe the two of them will realize he needs some professional social skills training. Which is what I suspect he needs.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:54 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • My ds is high functioning, and yes, he can learn. It sounds like in your BIL's situation your MIL has no expectations of him and allows him to behave as he pleases. I think that is horribly wrong. My ds struggles with empathy and saying things that are deemed inappropriate. But as his mother I explain why it's inappropriate (like potty talk at the table, which he finds hilarious) and there are consequences if he continues. Your bil can learn, he's just never had any expectations. You make the rules in your home and around your children. Put it in writing, you'll be amazed how well he'll respond. It breaks my heart his mother allows him to behave that way.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 2:58 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

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