Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

teenager fellings

how con you control things with your baby daddy when your a 18 year old teenager and have a baby of 3 months how can you tell him to help or that his not trying hard enof for bout of us my baby gurl and me how should i stop me from getting mad at him alot of times because he just want to go to sleep

Answer Question

Asked by jasmines25mom at 10:39 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (31 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Tell him to grow up or you are gone. And be ready to follow through with it.

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 10:40 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • um.... thats how it goes, often. my first 2's father (ex-husband) cancels on them all the time. he's almost 26. 3rd's sperm donor hasn't been heard from since i last called him when my daughter was in the hospital (almost 2 months ago.... she's 3 months) he's 27. nothing to do with age, at all.

    are you still with him? if you are, maybe you need to reevaluate? have a sit down with him and tell him how you feel/what you're thinking... and let him do the same. maybe you can come to a compromise, or and understanding.

    Answer by gracefulsky at 10:45 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • doesnt' sound like he's too interested in being a parent and thats too bad.....he needs to grow up, you need to tell him that!
    Meanwhile , get on birthcontrol, no more babies ! IF he doesnt get his shit together, leave! Sue for child support! Get on with your life!

    Answer by michaux at 10:47 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I think it's time to cut your loses. Realize the mistake in chosing this man to father your child and then move on with your life. That will be much easier to do if you get him out of your house. It is unfortunate that you will always need to leave a door open for him, for your daughter's sake, but the sooner you stop expecting him to do things he's clearly not going to do, the happier you will be.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:47 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • i can't believe all of these people advocating that you just pack up and leave when you're asking for help on how to communicate. no relationship works without communication. dealing with a new baby is a stressful thing at any age. you want to know how to stop getting mad and how to tell him things, which to me says you two don't really have the best communication - totally normal. look up some information on fair fighting - it will tell you things like talk about your feelings rather than blaming, etc. it's possible he's depressed and/or doesn't know what to do. tell him you need to set aside some time so that you can figure out together what each of you needs from the other in terms of support an responsibility and just remember you are partners in this. instead of telling him what he's doing wrong, tell him what you need him to do... this way there can be progress instead of defensiveness, etc.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:25 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • wow alot of things to do thanks for the comments i did tried and talked to him we been talking alot of times but it wasent worth it i told him that if he dont change then we were going to break up because i know i can hadle it with my baby alone but i love him and he says he loves me then we have to have the same responsability 50 and 50 n he been changing im glade he understoon but sometimes its hard because they raised him like you have to tell him what to do and im not like that i do it with out people telling me helping and since wer living at my moms and he dont have a job he didnt help now he kinda do but im tired of telling him what to do all the time what should i do with that?
    Ruby R.

    Answer by Ruby R. at 12:49 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • i know it sucks when you feel like you have to think for people - unfortunately i feel that way alot. lol - like my daughter or my husband will say i'm hungry and then sit there like the universe is going to respond... at some point i have to say get off your ass and make a sandwich, why do i have to tell you this? anyway... being upset about that doesn't get you anywhere in the long run. if you can ask questions to get him to think for himself (e.g. instead of "get a job" ask "how many applications do you think you will need to put in every day to get job?") that might help. as much as people don't seem to want to think for themselves they also don't respond well to being told what to do - catch 22. set some goals together like how many applications per week or day, how many hours he needs to work, how you handle feedings and diaper changing. the more specific you can be less room for confusion. keep communication open.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:14 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • just remember it's one step at a time - it sounds like things are headed in the right direction, even if slowly, but that's still a good sign. just because y'all weren't exactly ready and didn't have everything figured out ahead of time doesn't mean you can't keep working on it. the toughest part is working through the frustration of learning to communicate effectively with each other. again, just remember you are partners. one piece of advice that always helps me communicate instead of argue is to remember the goal - you want him to participate and work with you - and let that guide how you approach things.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:16 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • thanks you so much it really help imma start doing that and yea the same thing happend to me his feeding my baby and he always ask me for stuff like im hungry im thirsty give me this and that his world is completely close when his taking care of my baby and i do almost evrything well i can say everything by myself and that uqh! get me mad did that happened to you too? figaro8895
    Ruby R.

    Answer by Ruby R. at 2:37 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • i raised my daughter alone - she's 19 now. but we're about to have a baby. my husband and i used to argue alot because he wasn't contributing in ways that i felt he should. things have changed alot but it really takes alot of work. in this and other relationships i've been taken for granted and i remember one ex in particular who would always want me to do stuff for him he could (and should) do himself. you just have to be able to say no without feeling bad. it's one thing to get him a glass of water if he's feeding the baby. but as much as possible between that stuff and thinking for him let him do it - he needs practice ;-) my husband now does alot of stuff - but we don't share everything - i take care of all the paperwork/bills, he does all the yard work. there have been times when i've worked and he hasn't and vice versa. but i strongly feel baby stuff should be half n half.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:54 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.