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HELP!!!Daughter just turned 18 and thinks she's grown...LITERALLY!!!

Hello to all the moms out there that have newly adult kids.My daughter just turned 18 in Aug.and my husband and I are trying to treat her like an adult.By giving her a little bit of freedom as long as she acts responsible.Well as of lately she's been anything but responsible.And we're at our wits end we don't want to restrict her to the point that she runs away.But she doesn't have a clue about how the world operates.We've talked until we're blue in the face everything we say is going in one ear and out the other.I'm really frustrated because she has other siblings right behind her in age.And the example she's setting for them is terrible.If anyone can relate to what i'm going through right now.Please give me some advice i'd greatly appreciate it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Oct. 28, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (22)
  • Let her learn. You said you are "trying to treat her like and adult" She is. Treat her like you would another adult with similar consequences.
    MysticFerret

    Answer by MysticFerret at 2:12 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • Unfortuantely , they do think that when they hit 18,the big one eight, they know it all and can do it all. If she wants to be treated like an adult, then go for it.Charge her for stufff, just like you would be charged for something.If she isn't acting responsible, then make her be responsible.I do have 2 young adults, 19 and 23, so I had to do it and make some hard decisions until they figured out whats what. Then I would go to bed at night hiding my laughter at what she had thought responsible and let her take care of her situation.They can't have it both ways.She won't run away, trust me.Give her restirctions and tell her consequences BEFORE she messes up. She is 18,not 25.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:59 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • You have to base what you give to her on what you are receiving from her! I don't mean to go so very "Zen" on you, but, this I know from experience.
    KerryDorsey

    Answer by KerryDorsey at 8:44 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • I moved out and supported myself at 18... My kids will do the same or pay rent. I think it's only fair that if you want to act the part you have the responcibliities of the part...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 8:47 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • She will be fine. Just as when she was a little girl learning to walk, she will stumble but just hold out your hand and help her if she needs a hand. Remind her that the consequences of her actions are a bit more serious than scuffing her knee if she falls though.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:25 PM on Oct. 28, 2008

  • The only way she is going to learn is by making mistakes and hopefully growing from them. She is an adult so she will have to learn to live with the consequences.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:41 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • Tell her (if she doesn't have one) to get a JOB..Start pay you rent like adults does.Do not make it cheep for her.Do not do anything for her ,clean her room, washing her cloths make meals, pay that cell phone,I would take the cell phone away from her that you pay and tell her "your grown now get you own in your name" Make it hard for her so she will know what adulthood is all about..Good luck
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:05 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • We give them a choice. You can still have the benefits of being a kid (having the roof over your head paid for, food to eat, phone, power, water, etc) but you have to be willing to live with the rules of the house, but you have to go to school, get tolerable grades, help clean up and help take care of the younger kids etc. OR we will give you two more options, you may stay with us ... if no job we will assign you specific jobs around the house, you will abide by rules we agree upon as adults living in the same space. If you have a job we will figure out what you are responsible for around. Straight forward and lay it all out. Hope this helps! Have fun! Adult kids are fun if you stand firm and everyone knows what the expectations are.
    pammomof9

    Answer by pammomof9 at 1:10 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • SOME call it tuff love.The Best way to teach some one is to let them do it on their own.At 18 she is an Adult,She could join the army or have a baby go off to college.Get a job.Even marry all with out you.SO nows the time she start learning how to do it.Stop doing it for her an let her learn.If she cant follow the rules an she thinks she can make it on her own theres the door.Tuff love will bring her home.If you let her no you love her.She may hate you even for a while.
    fearful5

    Answer by fearful5 at 3:21 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

  • I moved out, supported myself.. gotmarried... all at 18. I'm fine. I made a ton of mistakes in the process but thats how you learn and over restricting parents make kidsact out. I know. I did it.
    Sandiii

    Answer by Sandiii at 7:13 PM on Oct. 29, 2008

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