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How do I get my in-laws to respect me?

My husband and I really wanted to have some bonding time with our child after the delivery. I had my son at 5:16PM. We called our parents at 6 and asked them not to come until 7. I wanted time to nurse my son and shower prior to them coming. His parents showed up at 6:30. I only had time to hold my son for 20 minutes. When my husband met them in the hall he said, "I told you 7." and replied with, "Well you know us." They came in and I felt very uncomfortable sitting in a pool of blood and obligated to hand my son over. Once home they would come over every day. I wanted some privacy with nursing my son, but I just didn't seem to get it. So I locked my doors so they couldn't just walk in. They got mad and said I changed and that I didn't love my husband and that I was just using him for his money. I am very hurt by this and don't trust them anymore. What can I do? My husband talk to them, but things just seem so akward now. UGH

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You know what.....let them act like assholes if they want. It's your life, your baby, and you know they are out of line. You can't control what they do, and you can't make anyone respect you who doesn't want to. Just do your thing and put them aside like a rude pouty child, who will come back and play nice after you ignore him and let him work it out on his own.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:27 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Hun, this is an exciting time for them too, and yes they are known to go over board sometimes, but instead of getting angry at that try to be the reasonable one in the scenario, they are there out of love, always remember that. Now their statement was totally uncalled for and rude. I think to get respect you must show it too.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:27 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I might just have a heart to heart with them. They might not understand that they are over stepping. Just be completly honest!! And if that doesn't work than keep doing what your doing, it always nice for your in-laws to like you but it doesn't always happen! Good luck!!!
    Trishy7

    Answer by Trishy7 at 11:29 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • sounds like you did what you needed to do. they'll get over it or they won't. at least your hubby is trying to run interference. they need to be aware that their inability to follow through with agreements and respect your privacy is causing problems and they need to deal with the consequences. lashing out at you that way is very juvenile. if you can get them to agree to sit down and talk let them know you understand they are excited about the baby but they need to respect your boundaries and clearly outline what the boundaries are - they need to schedule time, show up at the agreed upon time, not expect you to rearrange your life for them as you are putting your baby and DH first, etc. if they choose not to understand then that's their problem - there's nothing else you can do except be the adult and be clear in your communication.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:30 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Wow, that sucks! Maybe i am assuming here, but it seems as if the paternal grandparents are more pushy with the babies. I don't know how many times i've heard similar stories. You should have a civil talk with her. Tell her that you love her & appreciate any help they have offered, but explain to her that this is all new to you & that you just need time & space to adjust without anyone barging in. Tell her you are sorry if you came off rude or anything like that, and that you did not intend to hurt feelings or get the wrong message across. You need to tell her from the bottom of your heart, what is up. She is your DH'd mother, so she may not listen to him as well. She has been telling HIM what to do all his life, not the other way around. She should hear it from you. Let her know that you would appreciate it if y'all could schedule a time to hang out. She needs to know where you're comming from in order to understand.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:32 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I don't really have anything to add, except I agree 100% with Musicmom80.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:47 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I understand, I have to keep my doors locked too or my MIL just barges in. I know it doesn't help now, but if you have another child I wouldn't call them until you were ready for them to be there. I would also let them know that just because you expect privacy in your own home that doesn't mean that you love your husband any less. It sounds like you have been respectful already and they have been jerks, let them know where you stand and what you expect.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:50 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Wow, excited or not they need to respect your wishes and your boundaries. If you said "come at 7, they should have arrived at 7 and not earlier". For at home visits ideally they should call 1st or set up a specific time to visit, not just show up whenever and walk in. (in that case I can see keeping the door locked). It sounds like they are big on being the ones in control and their snotty comments toward you were said for spite because you 'thwarted' them. I do think you and your husband need to talk to them and tell them that if they want to see the baby they need to #1 call 1st or set up a specific time in advance, and #2 respect you and stop being rude.
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:03 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • You can't do anything. Just be civil. It will eventually get less weird but they are the problem, not you. I am going through this with my MIL as well. She is just awful but I endure it for my husband's sake.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 12:09 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I wouldn't put up with that..That being said they mean well and are only trying to help..again they were rude to say you don't love your husband and he's the one who needs to man up they are his parents he needs to deal with them..If you don't want them dropping by as much tell them thanks for all you've done you've been a great help but I can handle it from here on out. You're welcome to visit but call ahead so I can be prepared give me time to feed my child alone as well as clean up the house and have a shower.
    chica679

    Answer by chica679 at 12:13 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

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