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2 Bumps

Does anyone else have a spouse that has no clue how to comfort you in times of crisis?

My dh is a sweet kind man, but I feel like I am always the one having to be the strong person when there is a crisis or a bad time in our life. No matter what if he is struggling or having a tough time I am there for him. I am supportive, a shoulder to lean on but I never seem to get the same from him. Whenever I am having a problem or crisis he is "uncomfortable" and just says nothing. Does anyone else feel like this in their relationship and what do you or have you done to improve the situation?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Oct. 18, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Not only is my DH like that, so is my Dad! I mean, the slightest hint of tears or emotion and my Dad would be yelling (literally) for whichever other female in the house was nearby. I've learned to just laugh about it later. Men simply aren't the emotional ones, we are. If I need something, I have to express myself specifically to DH. "Honey, this is bothering me so much, I need a hug." "I just need to feel like you understand what I'm dealing with, not that you need to solve the problem, I just need to vent." Fortunately, DH is great about whatever it is that I need, I just have to tell him exactly what that is. He won't know otherwise. OR, he will do what he thinks is showing me love and support...by DOING stuff, i.e. taking out the trash, getting my oil changed, bathing DS. Men are about action, not reaction, it seems to me. It only serves to help me identify what I need and to be a better communicator about it.
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 1:26 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I have the same issue. I didn't view it as such a big deal until my mother passed away earlier this year and my panic attacks started coming back. I had a few talks with him about how I was feeling and let him know what helps me when I'm feeling down. He didn't seem to know what to do, so I just let him know that lots of hugs, a simple pat on the back, or a shoulder to cry on made a world of difference. Since then, he's done a lot better.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 11:43 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I think most men just don't know what to do,
    face it, men are lost without us being the strong ones!

    I get support most of the time. But, my DH is still a man, and there are times when I wish he would get a clue when I'd like for him too................
    doesn't always work out that way.

    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:43 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Have you tried telling him what you need in those times instead of expecting him to read your mind? Men don't think the same way we do, sometimes you have to TELL them what you need.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 1:18 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Honestly, I am that spouse... I simply have no idea how to handle other people's issues or stresses... My DH doesn't ever seem to get upset by things, even the things he should, and then all of a sudden the littlest thing will throw him in to crisis mode. And I really am no good at handling it. I'm just not that kind of person...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:49 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I do.. my husband is wonderful sweet and kind, but any type of crisis, I am the calm understanding one who has to have her shit together while he gets upset angry or self involved...
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:58 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • My husband has really surprised me in crisis situations. He is very good at being the strong one and making me feel like everything will be handled. He is supportive and never places blame even if blame is due.

    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 12:01 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Sounds like you're married to my husband, best of luck!
    busybee68

    Answer by busybee68 at 1:20 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

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