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3 Bumps

Why would my mother want me to suffer?

Ok so me and my mom have always been super close and I was a seriously super sheltered kid. My parents practicaly scared me on purpose to keep me form having sex and needless to say it worked ... too well. It took two years of marriage to be able to finally be able to get pregnant. :( Now Im 35 weeks along and my mom is pretty stuborn about it being necessary to have a natural child birth and have no drugs what so ever. Originaly me and my husband were set on an epidural because of my major issues with my vaginal area. My mom is making comments like "I know how you are and I wish I could have the baby for you" and other comments like "You have to be strong and do whats best for the baby" or my favorite. "If I can do it so can you!" I dont know what to do especially since shes so involved in my birthing plan and is aside from my husband one of the birthing couches.


Asked by SunshineSandie at 7:22 PM on Oct. 18, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 8 (263 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I think it's ok to take on board the oppinions of others but the final choice lies with you and how you want to do it. If you want to try natural then great but you might get halfway and want an epidural anyway, no big deal. It should be more important for your experience to be as good as possible rather than pleasing your mother.

    Answer by MeAndLo at 2:15 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I had both of my children w/o any drugs of any type. My daughter used epidurals. I can not say my children were healthier than hers. My grandchildren are normal and I'm wondering why I put my self thru all that pain. I think you need to talk to your mom, and explain you know she loves you and wants what is best for you but you need the comments to stop. Tell her the stress she is causing you is not good for the baby and you need to be calm. Then go ahead with your plans for an epidural, if she can't stop think about replacing her as coach. This time you have to do what is best for you.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 7:38 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • i would be like, "times have changed. and this is MY baby in MY body, and i will do it MY way." i kno it sounds rude, but u need to tell her to back off. my mom was the same way. and i finally told her that i am not a kid any more, and i have my own kids and i will raise them, take care of my family how I want to. if she wanted to be a part of it, she would back off. and it worked.

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 7:24 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I don't think she wants you to suffer but just really does want what is best for you and the baby. However, YOU are the one who has to do this, and you are the only one who has to do this. You do not need people at your birth who are going to be pushing their agendas on you instead of just being supportive of you. You do not have to let her be there. Honestly I think you need to start working on drawing some boundaries now or she is going to be forcing her views on you about parenting too. This is going to be good practice for you on standing your ground and doing things your way.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 9:00 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I don't know that your mom wants you to suffer, but from the sound of it she's very controlling. My biggest suggestion would be to let your mom know its time she backed off. I can understand being close to your mother, but there's a limit on how close is actually a healthy relationship and at 35 i think its time you started depending more on your husband than your mother. If you and him have talked about it and are ok with an epidural then your mom shouldn't even have a say, let alone an overruling vote.

    Answer by Skipo510 at 9:53 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I don't think she wants you to "suffer". She knows what medical risks all of those interventions carry, and wants the best possible outcome for her grandchild.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 7:24 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • have you considered having someone else?
    I'm sorry she scared out of having sex like that, that is so sad.


    Answer by ItsMe89 at 7:25 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • Most of it is mostly in how she was raised... Lots of older women believe like she does and believe if you don't think just like them, you are wrong. It's not that she wants you to suffer, it's that she doesn't want you to ever step outside the little box she believes you should live in, because she never did...

    Personally, I've had 2 epidurals, and I've done the research surrounding them. Are there risks? Yep. But I'm due in Dec. with number 3, and guess who wouldn't even think of going through labor without an epidural - regardless of what my family thought!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 7:27 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • I dont think she wants you to suffer, she just really believes that its best to do it naturally, Im like that for myself. An epidural is tempting, but to me the pain is worth it. With that said, its still your birth, and you do what you want. Just let her know that this is your plan, she wont be talking you out of it, and if she wants to participate then she has to let you do it your way, no more questioning about it.

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 8:01 PM on Oct. 18, 2010

  • i personally would remove her from the coaching team and make my own decisions. regardless of whether you are right or wrong about her intentions, you are not comfortable with what she is saying and you have your own intuition to guide you - you don't need to be judged or stressed out. this is YOUR baby, do it YOUR way - you are only questioning your judgement (and your decision made with your husband) because she has you on a guilt trip. just because she's been there before doesn't make her right and doesn't make it right for you. i

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:50 PM on Oct. 18, 2010