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Any experience/advice with teen breakups?

DDs bf dumped her in the am at school yesterday & she was so "sick" about it I got a call to come get her. She told me it was her fault for being too emotional & talking about her worries too much to him...Scared him away. DH and I were talking about it and he said "it wasn't moving fast enough for him". He means that the bf wanted to "be alone with her and have fun" without limitations, which we certainly have...both are 16, he just got his license. She is a serious student and deep thinker and a writer, he's a party boy, not too smart. Said he loved her like a sister. She seems to be attracted to this type of guy, though, it's the 2nd bf...altho what can she expect from a 16 yr old boy?? She will get over it, but I wonder if we should encourage her to NOT date for a time. Any thoughts to help her thru this would be appreciated. She didn't want to go to school today..we've said almost nothing (hugs) but are making her go.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (5)
  • It sounds like you are doing the right thing by acknowledging she feels bad. Even though it was many, many years ago, I can still remember how much I really liked/loved a couple of boys when I was in high school. Just NEVER say things like......"you'll get over it" or "it was just young love".

    Maybe in a few days, when she feels a little better, you can help her see that she shouldn't have to change who she is so a boy will like her. If she is a deep thinker and likes to talk about her worries then she should find a boy who understands that and is willing to listen. Don't be judgemental toward the old BF, just ask questions and make subtle hints about the type of boy she might want to date.

    Answer by Dyndudes at 9:51 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Dating will help her get over it, in Spanish we have a saying that translates basically to this, one nail will push out another nail!

    Answer by older at 10:48 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • My DD is going through the same thing, it's really sad to see them hurt and upset. But telling her not to date isn't the answer, she needs to see that there are other people out there that will like her for who she is. She will take a break that is the right amount of time for her, just like grieving how long it takes one person, doesn't mean that that is how long everyone else needs.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 2:29 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • My SS is 15, and he's had girls "date" him for a day or two and then break up - once on Facebook. We tell him that he will find someone who likes him for him. I wouldn't encourage your DD not to date, but I would tell her to move slowly so she doesn't get hurt as easily.

    Answer by Scuba at 1:21 PM on Oct. 20, 2010

  • I am going to copy and paste a previous reply.... its how you respond that makes a difference.
    My fifteen year old had her first heart break last week. We even got a call from the school she was threatening suicide. I simply laid down with her on her bed and talked to her and said "Honey I am so sorry i know this is so hard, I love you and I am really sorry". I offer to let her talk about it and LISTEN. I did not give critical judgment or advice at this time. Teens during this time need to be heard not spoken to. She was absolutely fine the next day, because I simply listened and reminded her that I loved her so much and I was so sorry for the break up. I think that really helped her feel wanted, loved, and cared for it helps her over come the break up. BTW they dated over a year too.

    Answer by iluv2meow at 1:51 PM on Oct. 23, 2010

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