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Child Abuse question adult content

I have read a bit on child abuse, but wondering what are the signs? i have a friend who is in a relationship with a man, who seems nice enough, but she alerted me to the fact that he has anger issues.. he never wanted the child. he is 20 she is 16. she chose to keep the child and told him he didnt have to stay, but i guess hes trying to do the man thing, hes bought her a ring and hes moved in with her. but he likes his sleep. hes a male chauevanist pig is you ask me. he wont help out with bottle feeds at night because he has to work in the morning.. " you dont work so why should i get up" is one of his phrases. anyway when the baby cries for bottle, or wetness etc he get angry from being woken up and swears at the child. he has never hit the girl or the baby but I am worried that the anger will lead to physical abuse eventually. what can be done to help him calm the f$$K down.


Asked by Weldo1983 at 11:25 AM on Oct. 19, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 15 (1,924 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Tough situation, but not necessarily abusive. I know a number of very mature and loving parents who have thrown out curse words around their baby. EVERY parent has those feelings at times, so it's not surprising that a 20 year old man who didn't even want this kid gets very frustrated. I also agree with the idea that she's not working and he is, so she should be on night-duty (that's really only fair) - though he could be a lot more tactful about it.

    The bottom line is that if your friend is genuinely concerned for either her or the baby's safety (regardless of the reason) she should seek help. As a concerned friend who is not there to see for yourself, you should make sure she knows this (find resources and remind her frequently if you want), but then leave it to her judgement. And be careful of raising the alarm of "abuse" against someone who does not deserve it

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 12:34 PM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • If he is 20 years old he has no business with an under-age 16 year old. He CAN go to jail for that.......

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • For now, monitor the situation. Talk to the girl and make sure she and the baby are safe and feel safe. It sounds like he needs help with anger issues, but getting him the help he needs is not going to be easy. He also needs someone to set a good fathering example to him. It's great he's doing "the right thing" but he needs to man up and take that responsibility seriously or cut himself out of the picture while still providing financial support for the child.

    Answer by duckigrrl at 11:30 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • If the anger shows itself when he is woken at night, I would just advise the mom to do all the night feedings. It's not that hard.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 11:27 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Some states it is ok for a 20 yo and a 16 yo as long as there isn't more than 5 years between them. I wouldn't expect him to get up in the night for feeding if he has to work. I mean really...if the mom is at home she can nap when the baby naps...he can't nap at work. He should do some feedings when he is awake and not at work.

    Answer by ashisamom at 11:31 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Anger management classes, but I doubt he will agree to go since you described him as a male chauvinist pig!


    Answer by older at 11:27 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Dhr may need to visit because at 16 she is vulerable to abuse as well. They can help her know her options so she won't be forced to depend on him. They may also court order him to go to anger mgmt classes.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 11:28 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • I think there are major anger issues there, but I also don't think he's asking too much for mom (who does not work outside the home) to take care of the baby at night. I never asked my husband to do night time feedings or changings because I felt it was my job. For the man in question, I think he needs anger management classes. Twenty really is not that old so he proabably also needs to grow up and get into the dad role as well.

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:31 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • the thing is shes in australia.. in australia the legal age for consent of sex is 16.. so he hasnt committed a crime.. i dont agree that they should have even had sex but hey thats their life.. she was on the pill too apparently taken properly but managed to get pregnant.
    i have tried talking to her to tell her the anger may get to the point one day where he will snap and who knows what will happen.. she said she would talk to him and i told her not to scold him just tell him why babies cry etc etc. i know he has issues but shes adament that hes a good man. shes young and so is he.. he hasnt had his chance to be a kid still and i think he resents the child and hes an only child himself. he was a spoilt boy and i think that is why he is the way he is.. his father even tried to chat to him and he didnt want to hear it.. i dont know what else to do. if somoene wont listen and theres no evidence of abuse i cant step in..

    Comment by Weldo1983 (original poster) at 11:32 AM on Oct. 19, 2010

  • Maybe there isn't abuse. Maybe they just both really need to grow up. 20 is really young, so is 16. You can't control the way people feel about their children, and you can't save the world. Unfortunatley if you aren't there to see exactly whats going on, there is nothing you can do. Abuse is a strong word be careful how you throw it around.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:39 AM on Oct. 19, 2010